Image

Thinking of Kyrzayda…

So you may all ask why am I blogging about Kyrzayda,  when I didn’t go to the wake. Well I have my reasons and my story.

I met Kyrzayda in 2009.  The Riverside Manor.  Paterson, NJ.  What I most remember is her perkiness and positive energy.   She always complimented me on my style. Ha!  I was ten years older and I dressed well but I wasn’t styled.  Not like her. 

k4
This is about the time that I met K.!

But we connected.  I remember one of the first conversations we had was about her wanting a boutique.  She loved fashion.  She loved clothes. She wanted to go places.  She wanted to do things. 

She was this petite bundle of energy with a beautiful smile and BIG, BIG, BIG dreams.  Now let me back track by saying that we were in the hood and this was way before fashion blogging and social media were anything familiar to many of us here, at least me.

Anyway, eventually I became a bartender at the Riverside and it was always refreshing to run into K (as I heard she was lovingly called by many).  She eventually started working at Once Upon A Skirt and she helped me choose outfits a few times.

k3
This is how I want to remember you!

Always had an eye and was always honest with me about what worked and didn’t. We talked about life and boys and fitness while I tried on outfit after outfit.

So, being a non-fashionista-wanting-to-have-my-own-boutique kind of person, when Kyrz started blowing up my FB thread with image after image of her fitness and fashion journey I unfollowed her.

For no other reason except that it would take me 3-5 minutes to get to any posts of family or other friends. Seriously.  (Not understanding that this is part of the business, right?) Building your brand.  

kfave2
Even while dealing with her health issues, she continued her hustle. One of my favorites!

Fast forward to last year when I believe it was that I saw www.liverpooljeans.com post something about her that I started following her again and learned of her diagnosis.

I began to follow her journey which now included cancer.

Some people may have loved her and some may not, but there is a lot to be learned from her journey.

I recently watched a Super Soul Sunday with Oprah featuring Dr. BJ Miller https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0TAs_QQKHM.  (If you guys haven’t heard his story, you should head over there and watch it.)

In a freak accident Dr. Miller lost both his legs below the knee and his arm.  Instead of feeling defeated, he decided to embark on a career in palliative care (caring for people who are dying) and now works with the Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco.

That is neither here nor there.  What I want to share is that he says this of death: We view death as an occurrence separate from life, when in reality death is a part of living. Because we are all going to die at some point.

When we hear that someone is dying from some incurable disease, such as cancer, we automatically start viewing or treating that person as if they are already dead, when in reality, they are living to the moment of their last breath.

Kyrz was the epitome of this theory.  I mean a week before she passed she was “deciding” whether or not she would go to NY Fashion week and had her outfits laid out. 

This was a woman who was in so much pain, but still kept her faith and believed she would be there.  No she didn’t attend, but that’s beside the point folks.  Imagine the joy she felt just believing and imagining herself there.   

k2
Grace under fire…

The morning before I learned she had passed I watched an episode of Dr. Oz and his guest speaker, Dr. Sam Parnia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHcZc-JJEFw who conducted a research study on what happens when a person dies. Guys! It sounds morbid, but let me tell you, what a refreshing eye opener.

We fear death so much.  And we worry so much about the pain and suffering.  But this speaker explained what happens physiologically to our bodies right before we die.  The first thing is we start losing oxygen, when this happens we fall into a deep sleep – a coma.  He describes it as going under (anesthesia). 

He then said that of course your heart fails.  This is when doctors record a time of death.  BUT! you’re not yet done.  Your cells can take a few hours to shut down.

So it is in this space when your cells are still alive that near-death experiences occur. This is the time when people who have had this experience and come back describe a very blissful existence, they see the doctors working on them from above or a removed space, they see a flashback of their life.  They oftentimes don’t want to come back because it is such a beautiful feeling.

I know, I know ! Kyrz didn’t come back but what a relief to know that she was in this space of bliss and joy and comfort.

Listen, I lost touch with Kyrz however her journey touched me too.  I kept thinking and I have often said this to people like “we” could be her.  What happened to her can happen to any one of us.

As humans we question like “why?”.  “Why” .  She was in her prime.  Her blogging career was taking off.  “Why?”

We can be angry at God for taking her.  But I am a firm believer that though she served her “fashion and blogging” purpose here on earth, her death is meant to serve an even greater purpose.

That purpose is that she and her journey will hopefully teach people how to live! Now! because folks as we all know and say – “Life is entirely too short.”  And our time of death is pre-written and set in stone. But we forget quickly.

Kyrzayda’s journey left an indelible imprint on me.  I found myself constantly sending prayers for her, I started reading the bible in her name even bargaining with God to give her more time.  Lord, I’ll quit drinking, I’ll go to church, I’ll volunteer with the needy.  Anything to gain her more time.

It broke my heart to hear she passed, but it also cheered me (after hearing these podcasts) that her transition was easy, and pain-free and joyous.

I chose not to go to the wake because #1 I am way too emotional and didn’t want to be that person in hysterics and #2 I wanted to hold with me the memory of Kyrzayda as I knew her back in 2009.

AND #3 I had a dream with her the night she passed.   Random, right?

I dreamt we were in this outdoor space like a vineyard or some kind of outdoor courtyard.  We were talking and laughing and she had on this flowered two piece flowy pant suit.  She kept saying she wanted to go down to beach and so she went.

I didn’t follow because I felt like she was happy and she was joyous and ok.  So she went down this staircase filled with flowers and gone. 

I woke with this sense of “Oh! She’s fine!”  Kyrzayda is good.

Kyrzayda did what most people wouldn’t dare do and even if some do not agree with her decisions or her way of living – who fucking cares?!?!

What we should be focusing on is how we are going to live.

We shouldn’t be questioning God or the Universe or whoever we believe in “Why her?” or “Why did this happen?”

We should be asking, “What have we learned?” What has she taught us?” “How are we going to live OUR lives NOW?”

Hey we could even ask: WWKD? “What would Kyrzayda do?” 

k8
Continued to work, blog, shop, post..

I am not concerned with K now and where she is because I know she is fantastically and amazingly and joyously existing in another space. Happy, pain-free, resting.

I just ask the Universe to comfort her mother, her family and her friends in this difficult time.

And more importantly, I pray that we figure out “Why?” not for Kyrzayda but for ourselves and how is having known Kyrzayda going to fundamentally push us to not be left with the question “Why?” at the end of our lives.

Kyrzayda, may you rest in eternal peace and may the Lord grant your mother and family the most comfort at this time.

It was a pleasure knowing you doll! 

k16
She did more than most … without fear!

LolaUncorked♥

Image

This is 40….Something…

Hey guys and gals! You know how I do!!! I don’t post for a few weeks and then I bombard you with posts.

This past week I had the pleasure of collaborating with the young, handsome and up and rising, YouTuber – bello_kevy! Finally!  Please go subscribe and follow.  Plug Plug!

Anyway, I was doubtful if it would turn out good.  Shame on me because all his other videos are A-mazing!  Anyway, we decided last minute to head over to Martell’s Tiki Bar and do a little video blogging about life in my 40s.  His mom, my BFF, joined us!  I’ll make sure to add link below so you guys can go check it out.

40 is what you make it !

I have to say that Kevin had some great questions and I sense a follow up video because there are so many things we can talk about as far as life in our 40s.  He wanted to call it “This is 40!” Considering I will be exiting this decade soon, I suggested “This is 40-something!” but you know kids. LOL.

Anyway regardless, he asked some insightful questions which is inspiring to me as an adult to hear this from a young man in his 20s.  We talked about what 40 means to us, aging (gracefully), the downsides of life changes, and how we party in our 40s. Oh! we also highlight my new boobs! LOL. Thanks Kevin for the boob plug.

Go subscribe to Bello_kevy YouTube channel! NOW!

So I felt I wanted to come and blog about this and add some lessons I’ve learned in my 40s with you all and hopefully you guys will share with me too.  I think in every decade we learn stuff.  Sometimes we repeat the same mistakes, but my hope is that as we age, we learn and grow and spread our emotional, spiritual wings.

So what has 40 meant to me?

Here goes. Me and my lists.

  1. 40 to me means that I have finally settled into myself and my own skin.  I feel like the dust has settled — in my professional life, personal life and spiritual life.What did I learn in my 40s?
  2. 40 has meant becoming freer and liberated from all the bullshit society says I should be doing and being.
  3. 40 has meant that it really is just a number.  I have felt just a young spirited and energetic as I did in my 20s and 30s.  Hangovers suck at 40.  Takes longer to recuperate but overall, I kind of feel the same.
  4. 40 has meant finding my voice.  Not the young aggressive angry voice of my 20s and 30s, but a calmer, more confident voice.  I learned how to express myself without being angry, and learned that you get so much more with honey.  Finally.  Of course, not all the time.  Every now and then the only voice that works is the bitch voice! So I keep her on reserve.
  5. 40 has meant not giving up on myself.  Being more forgiving of myself.  More loving.  Kinder to me.

And what did I learn? In my 40s, I have learned…

  • to accept that I am not ONE thing.  I am not just a mother, or daughter, or teacher. I am not just a woman or Latina.  None of these define me on their own, but rather all the roles I play make up who I am as a person.  I’ve also realized that I am always evolving.  Who I am today is not who I will be next month or next year, or even tomorrow.  And that’s ok.
  • not to settle in any area of my life, especially relationships.  I deserve the best from people, just as I have learned to wake up everyday with the intention of giving my best.  Yes, sometimes I fall of the wagon, because we are not perfect, but I get right back up and try again.
  • I am not perfect, but I can make daily intentions to strive to be better.
  • Broken hearts heal and you come out stronger.  I have never felt such pain like the pain I felt in this decade after having my heart broken by the one person I never thought would deceive me.  It hurt like hell.  And I remember thinking I would never be good again, whole again, confident again.  Guess what? I’m good.  Time heals E V E R Y T H I N G! Family and friends help too!
  • Forgive others.  Hanging on to anger and hate is so draining and damaging only to yourself.  So forgive and let go and move on.

My 40s have been good to me!  Through it all, trials and tribulations, financial woes, breakups, illnesses, I can’t complain.

40/40 Club

I still have half a year to go in my 40s, so I am sure there will be more lessons to be learned before I exit this decade.

But I have to tell you, if any of you are approaching 40 and/or sad about aging, don’t be.  I honestly believe that life only gets better!!!  I am so looking forward to what 50 brings!!!

Like promised here is my first video collaboration with YouTuber bello_kevy! Make sure to go show him some love too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VjXx-f-vSY&t=0s

Thanks for stopping by loves!

♥LolaUncorked❤️

Image

One Love…One Jamaica…

traveling
About to take off!!! Jamaica here I come…

Hey loves!! It has been some time since I’ve been on here, but #1 I just don’t have pics and it’s really annoying. #2 Been doing stuff in order to build blog material. #3 it’s summa-time!!! So here goes! So I just got back from Jamaica! 

Oh what an AMAZING TIME!

Most of you know I am from the Dominican Republic.  If you didn’t, you know now.  LOL. 

I love the Dominican Republic and contrary to when I was younger when I used to go every summer to the same two places – the Capital and el campo, in the last ten years, I’ve tried to expand my Dominican travel palate. 

I branched out and visited places like Samana, Macao, actually stayed in Boca Chica and Santiago.  And I love everything about DR, Well, almost everything. That’s another blog.

Jamaica was E V E R Y T H I N G!  I flew into Montego Bay and drove to Negril where I was staying. Reunited with that high school friend and went with probably one of the best, easiest and low maintenance travel partner ever!!!  (Check out my blog about traveling solo.)jamaican flag

The people were hospitable! Actually that’s an understatement !! Every single Jamaican I encountered on and off resort was really great. So friendly and well mannered. Not that I expected anything other right??

Because I mean I don’t know about you but when I’ve worked all year and use my hard earned money to go away I want- no, I DEMAND exceptional service. Hence one of my peeves with my peeps in DR. Again another blog.

It just seemed to come easily to the people in Jamaica. From the grounds workers, my favorite bartender Paulette who I made sure to see everyday, to the poor pasta station worker who worked in 200 degree weather making the most delicious pasta ever!!!. I mean they were just downright pleasant I’ve experienced on vacation.  I’m just saying.

I didn’t do much of anything but hang poolside or beach, at bar, and/or eat! I was not trying to hang glide, go horseback riding or jump off cliffs. And it was just perfect. I wanted to rest and relax under the hot Caribbean sun!

livingmybestlife
Hanging at the beach! Feeling myself.

Only time we ventured out was to Rick’s Cafe which until I got there didn’t realize was THE spot for spotting sunsets. And I was a part of the most significant sunset.  

sunset
the sunset at Rick’s Cafe.

Good times. Good times. I will definitely go back and visit some other places. Like actually stay in Montego Bay and eventually go visit Kingston! Negril was fantastic. The water was so clear and clean and calm.  

onthebeach
Everything is better at the beach!

Oh and the food was awesome. Omg. That Jamaican jerk chicken?!?? Gasp. Had it every day. Delish! One of the problems when I went to Belize was that I didn’t find the Belize had a broad Belizean palate. 

redstripe
May I have a Red Stripe, please?!?!

Most of what I ate was American food, except for the lobster that was literally picked out of ocean for me. 

Not Jamaica ! Jamaica’s jerk chicken, roasted chicken, seafood salad, rice, and white rum were yummmmm!

Jamaica is definitely one of those places I will visit again. Left me yearning to see more and mingle more with the locals.  

 

 

 

Look at my little gallery I posted for ya’ll! Look at that sunset, tho?!?!

So if you haven’t been – please add to your bucket list and make it a point. After all, mon, Jamaica is all about one love, Jamaican-me-crazy, and some good ole healthy ganja. If that’s you’re thing!!

One love my loves!  

♥LolaUncorked

 

Image

Is it even worth it?!? Sometimes it is.

The other day, I was out waiting on my BFF AGAIN!!! (always late!). I has having a cocktail, when my ears tuned into a conversation between two women next to me.

It seemed the one chick – let’s call her Debbie (all names have been changed). Though I don’t really know her but I thought it was cool to say that. Anyway seemed Debbie was about to embark on an affair. Or perhaps was already cheating.

The lover had invited Debbie on an outing.  The conversation went something like this:

Debbie: Omg yes, so he’s invited me on an outing on his yacht (it was just a boat, but yacht sounds better).

Friend: Omg that’s exciting! What are you going to do?

Debbie: Well, he wants me to drive an hour to meet him.  He’s going to pick me up from there and drive another hour to spend the day on his boat.  He’s flying on (owns a private jet).

Friend: Wow! That’s crazy. But I’m so jealous.

Debbie: Well, yes.  I am going to leave home like I am going to work, but going to stop at a friends house to get dressed.  I also need a wax and my hair done. Oh! I should probably get a mani and pedi too!

Friend: Yassss!

Debbie:  I went shopping today for an outfit.  I hope he doesn’t think I am going to have sex. Like I am just flirting.  What are you doing? Want to come?

Friend: Dayum! I can’t I work.  I would have totally gone.

Debbie: Well, I am thinking I’ll drive to train station and take train. Oh wait, better if I have my car so I can leave when I want to.  

Friend: True, very true. You don’t want to be stuck there.

Debbie: Right. I’ll take my car.  That way when it’s time to go it’s time to go.  On way back I”ll meet friends out for drink so I have an alibi.

Friend: Good thinking.

Debbie: (Checks phone) Oh he just cancelled.

Friend: Loser

Debbie: Thank god.  I wasn’t going nowhere, but it was fun while I thought I was.

Me: Insert thinking and LMFAO emoji here.

Phfew! I was exhausted by the end of that convo.  Like this is too much work for a possible piece of ass.

So my question is: Is the sneaking around, planning, and lying even worth it.  Like shit I am beat thinking about it?

I am just too old for this.  It is too much work.  How do you keep the lies in order? And at my age, like really, if I am going to cheat he better be paying a huge bill or buying me gifts or something or other.

Like I get it folks!  Sometimes the excitement of something new is so overwhelming.  And though we are the most intelligent (supposedly) species we are also just animals when it comes to sex.  Actually, worst.  Some animals stick to their sexual partner for life!  

I guess when you’re younger its easier.  When we are younger we can be very self centered, not thinking of anyone else about ourselves and feeling entitled to what we want.  But as I’ve gotten older I have learned several things:

  1. Karma is a fucking bitch.
  2. Treat everyone with kindness.
  3. Your conscience will not let you sleep at night.

But again no judgement here, because at the end of the day anyone can fall into the trap.  And quite frankly it is exciting!!  And sometimes at the end of the day, it could be worth it.  They say the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, but what happens when your partner is not watering your grass?  I would have taken the yacht to find greener grass! 

greenerpastures.jpeg

Thanks Lovies for stopping by! Remember to like, comment, share and tell your friends to follow!

♥LolaUncorked

 

Image

Everyone should take a solo trip…at least once!

Hey my loves! So because I just recently went away to South Beach, I did a survey on  www.instagram.com about solo travel!  I was so disappointed that a whopping 67% of you would NOT travel alone. Solo travel is like the best thing ever!

travel-quotes-about-traveling-alone-5-687x1030
I’ve made some wonderful friends traveling…that I still talk to today…

So I am here to give you some pros about traveling solo and tips on how to make your solo vacation a success!

Listen, I love a group vacation. But we all know if the vibe and dynamics are not there, group vacations can be ..hmmm…

TEDIOUS!  COSTLY! SOMETIMES, A WASTE OF TIME!

I’ll give you a couple of examples.  We used to take lots of family vacations together.  Ranging in age from 3 to 82.  One year we all went to Florida.  About 10-12 of us.  When it came to going out to eat, it never occurred to us to go out to eat with our respective family units and then meet up afterwards for whatever activity.

We basically spent more time deciding where we were going, then actually enjoying each other’s company.  And then many restaurants couldn’t handle our group, so we wasted a lot of time deciding and not doing.  

solotravel6
Deciding on a meal….alone…

There’s also the group vacation you take with a group of girlfriends or guys.  Right? Who’s tired? Who didn’t bring enough to wear? Who is a picky eater? Who is counting pennies?  I mean the list is endless. 

And the reality is hanging out with your friends back home for a few hours is V E R Y different than spending an entire week on vacation together.  I’ve only had two vacations with friends that were MEMORABLE!  Out of many.

Hence, why I L O V E solo trips!  Here are my top 5 reasons why I like traveling alone: 

  1. You can do W H A T E V E R fancies you.  Eat when you want, sleep when you want, sightsee what and when you want.
  2. You can have the room all to yourself. And if you meet someone and want to bring them back – you MOST definitely can (hey, it happens!)
  3. You don’t have to share your clothes, swimsuits or toiletries or money! (We all have that one friend!)
  4. You don’t have to split the bill evenly even when you just had a salad or a drink.  LOL.
  5. You don’t have to do anything – you can lay on a beach, listening to your tunes, reading, meditating, napping, without having to engage in mindless chatter.  Silence can be golden at times, something we don’t enjoy enough of.solotravel3-e1529080428197.jpg

Here are 5 tips for making your solo trip a success:

  1. Before you leave do some research (ask friends, read blogs, etc.) about some things you should do while there or places to see.  Or just wing it and explore!
  2. Make sure you pack a book, magazine and journal – if you feel self conscious about being alone, these are always good props to have when dining solo or hanging on beach solo – makes you look occupied and/or important. LOL. You can always use the journal to write about the experiences you’re having.
  3. Don’t take drinks from strangers.  LOL, no but seriously, don’t.  This is how people go missing and get trafficked. I’m real serious.
  4. If you’re paranoid like me because you watch too many crime shows – DON’T walk around alone at night or through dark alleys.  Stay in well lit areas around lots of people.  I mean you wouldn’t walk through dark alleys at home, right?
  5. Trust your intuition when it comes to meeting people.  I hung out with some guys at the https://fontainebleau.com/  in Miami and their vibe was so chill and laid back versus the guy who approached me at the door.  He kept insisting and coming over inviting us to their bed (by the pool that is) and I was just like nahh! We’re good.  They could have been perfectly fine, but I wasn’t trying to find out otherwise.
solopeoplewatching.jpg
People watching is my favorite hobby when I travel solo.

Anyway, I think EVERYONE should take a solo trip or two in their lifetime.  It’s a great way to spend some time alone with yourself and get more comfortable in your skin. It’s a practice in being present.

solobeachmiami
This was actually one of my best group vacations…but they left first…and I spent an entire day in my own company…it was wonderful!

There is nothing more grounding (I think) than spending a day alone at the beach or sitting at an outdoor cafe  – you are more in tuned with everything and everyone around you because you’re not distracted by friends and chatter.  Listen, I love my friends, but I also love my own company.  

So go ahead, book that solo trip ASAP! and then tell me all about it.

Thanks for stopping by! Happy Friday!

awakenalone.jpg

♥LolaUncorked