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Find Your Tribe

Everyone should have a tribe. Women more so then men. Men are very individualistic and egocentric and for a variety of reasons don’t have tribes in the same sense as women do. A man’s tribe is going out drinking together, playing or watching sports, hunting, or work.  Very superficial.

For women it’s a little different, as women are emotional creatures. Me included. We need tribes to connect, to be supported and to know that we are not the “only” one going through it.

As defined somewhere on google, “a tribe is a group of people, often of related families who live in the same area and share the same language, culture and history.”

Even though I am not related to the women in my tribe, we have known each other long enough that we are family.  Remember family is not always defined by blood only.  I share my thoughts, my triumphs and failures with my tribe.  Furthermore, we share similar values and morals.

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Your tribe or the women in it, should have your back, but still have the guts to tell you when you are wrong, stand up to you and challenge you to grow your thinking process.

Every woman should have a tribe… I’ve been lucky to have one that has always been there for me, through good and bad. We have watched each other grow and mature, build families, change careers, and go through breakups.

But, when your tribe is the only tribe you have, it can also be a shit show. I mean what happens when there is discord between one or more in the tribe?  What happens when your support system falls apart?

What we need to realize that in a tribe you can also agree to disagree. It doesn’t mean the friendship is over, but perhaps that the terms of the friendship change. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I used to go to therapy and my therapist used to talk about “renegotiating” relationships. She said in her late 40s she wanted a career change and her husband was completely against it. They began to have issues and arguments. So she sat him down and said if the relationship was going to last it was time to renegotiate the terms of the relationship.

Basically she expressed that they were both growing and changing, hence their relationship needed to grow and change.  They came up with a new vision of what each needed from each other and the partnership. They were married for over 50 years until she became a widow.

A friendship you started in your 20s will not be the same friendship you have in your 30s or 40s. People grow and change.   People’s lives change. People’s values and experiences change. So it’s only right and necessary that the friendships change.

I said I would be living my truth and even though I love my tribe I won’t silence my voice for the purpose of keeping “it” together.  I have no problem letting the tribe know if I think they are wrong.  Actually let me rephrase that, because “wrong” is “wrong” by whose definition? Right?  I have no problem disagreeing.  Just as I would hope they would do with me.

The purpose of a tribe is that you can agree to disagree, knowing that in the end wishes and thoughts will be respected.  The purpose is to grow you and make you better.

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Women need a group of like-minded women who support them. Women you can laugh with, women you can share with without being judged. Women who you can bounce ideas off of.

At the end of the day, as women we have enough against us. Men who play us. Kids who give us headaches. Jobs that stress us. And that is enough to deal with. We shouldn’t have to deal with a tribe that is not working out for too.

Sometimes the tribe you think you have is not the tribe you think it is. It doesn’t mean it was a bad tribe or the lessons learned were not worthy of learning. It definitely doesn’t mean there should be any regrets. Those experiences had in the tribe are a part of your fabric and who you are now.

One of my favorite quotes is:

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We have to be brave enough to acknowledge whether our tribe existed for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

If your tribe lasts for a lifetime, then you are one of the lucky ones.

♥LolaUncorked

2 thoughts on “Find Your Tribe

  1. I have to say, this one feels a little unfair to men. I think men need tribes just as much as women. And I think that male bonding activities (going out drinking together, playing or watching sports, hunting, or work) are incredibly meaningful. Men often discuss how to deal with their families, their careers, their emotional struggles over drinks. And playing sports is one of the most character and relationship building things anyone can do, male or female.

    I wonder, why the disregard for how men build their tribes and bond within those tribes? And then, can tribes not be made up of men and women?

    Just thoughts…

    Like

    1. Doll! thanks for your feedback. I do believe men should create tribes, but I don’t know if they use those male bonding activities in the same way as women do, though I am sure it must provide some kin of bonding. But I have to disagree on their discussions. Of course, not all men, it would be simplistic of me to generalize them all. As for your question about mixed-gender tribes, I don’t know – that definitely might be a question to put out there and collect some data…(data – can you tell I teach?) LOL…

      Liked by 1 person

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