Hi, Everyone! Happy Tuesday. Let me tell you. It has been really difficult going back to work after being off for a week! But, the saving grace is there are only 54 school days left. Minus a couple personal days, field trips, and testing days and it’s more like ohhh! I don’t know 48? Woohoo!Teacher’s favorite time of year as we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Anyway, I took another yoga class today and I am quarter of the way in to reach my 20 in 30 challenge! Did I mention it’s HOT yoga? Like HOT, HOT, HOT yoga. Well yeah it is super hot and even though I am supposed to be focused and in the moment today I found my mind wandering to my next blog. I really have to work on staying in the moment!
And so when I finally got in my car and stopped sweating into my eyeballs, I was able to kind of gather my thoughts and used the recorder on my phone. Finally! So I wouldn’t forget. Anyway, this is what I came up with.
I know so many women, friends, colleagues, and/or bar buddies who are in solid relationships, but I know just as many if not more that can’t seem to find a “good” man. What I hear from all of them is that there are no good men out there.
They say they meet cheaters, liars, players, inconsistent texters, men who are too short, too fat, bad teeth, no hair – I mean the list is endless!!!!
By definition a good man is someone who actually wants to invest the time in courting you, and getting to know you. Someone who sticks around longer than a couple of weeks and doesn’t think texting is the #1 form of communication. Someone attractive who dresses well and exhibits consistency. ←——- This is a huge one – CONSISTENCY!!!!
I started to wonder whether or not there really are no good men out there or is something else the real issue? I mean someone is meeting them. I see women in good solid relationships with guys who seem awesome.
So I am thinking —– and THIS IS ALL THEORETICAL (and I include myself in here too) because this blog is all about fleshing topics out, uncorking myself, putting the ramblings on paper, even a chuckle or two.
Anyway, is it possible that there is a level of fear on the part of women that is being translated into a shortage of good men?
Can a self-sufficient, competent, intelligent woman really not find a man or is it possible that we are afraid? Many of these women, like me, are older, perhaps divorced, have had a couple failed relationships. So isn’t fear a possibility? Isn’t it possible we are afraid of another failed relationship?
How about fear of giving up our independence? I mean, yes, we do say that we want a man or companion but I know I for one, after being single for two years, I really enjoy my own company. So it’s like when I meet someone I don’t measure him up to my ex or another man, but to myself. I make myself laugh, I love to read and write, naps, go out with friends, I agree with all my own politics, who else is going to do that?
Can we also be afraid of rejection? I see all these younger women out there, spending thousands and thousands on plastic surgery (I don’t knock it – I am all for preservation!!) but guys don’t seem interested in women like us. We are not young enough, or sexy enough, or I don’t know what enough. So maybe some of us fear rejection. What if we actually meet a nice guy and then he dumps us for one of those younger, perkier chicks?
Finally maybe we are just afraid of commitment. Relationships take hard work and effort. They also require compromise and we are such an ego-centric society (men and women) that we fail to understand that sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. Without compromising your true self of course!
Maybe the truth is there are enough men out there, but we block ourselves with FEAR.FEAR of the unknown. Fear of rejection. Fear of commitment. Sometimes, we ruin relationships before they’ve even had a chance to begin. Other times we are judging ourselves before they get to know us and assume they don’t want us. Or we make assumptions about them and create scenarios in our head of things that don’t exist.
Some of us have this very precise vision of what we want and we turn away a “good, consistent, hard-working” man, because he’s 5’10” instead of 6’ (I’ve been soooo guilty of this- LOL). I’m all about the law of attraction, but come on Ladies!!! Gotta have a little wiggle room.
Remember, Just because the right man hasn’t shown up, doesn’t mean there is a shortage of good men. It just means that the right man hasn’t show up for you.
But in order for that to happen you have to put down the walls, let go of the fears, think of what characteristics are important, make a list of wants and non-negotiables, declutter your mind and your heart…. and….
Then… go about the business of living your life, DO YOU, BE YOU, LOVE YOU — until the good one shows up!
And in the meantime, stop saying “there are no good men”. Every single time we say those words or agree with those words, we are manifesting more “no good men”. What we put out into the universe is what comes back to us.
Just keep your eyes and heart open -if a good man is part of your destiny and I do believe we are all meant to have a good, solid partner, he will show up when he’s supposed to Just be ready!!
PS/ I had to add this comment because it makes so much sense to me!!!
There are plenty of wonderful men in this world.
I think women should make it a point to make more men as friends. I don’t know how to explain it, but something changes in you when you love men as people/humans without always expecting them to fulfill some designated role in your life (father, husband, bread-winner, etc). When you just love and appreciate this man in your life because he is kind and fun to hang out with and a decent dude, I think you start to see men differently as a whole.
Full Disclosure: I am a bisexual woman who recently spent about 8 years in a relationship with a woman. And still, I think I actually like men more than most of my heterosexual friends. Liking men = appreciate them for all the ways that they are different than me, enjoy their company without additional expectations, see their beauty and their flaws and accept them as full human beings. Some of my heterosexual friends, on the other hand, don’t seem to actually like men in any meaningful way. They just seem to have wanted husbands.
What do you think about that????”