“(Jay-z) All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend
(Bae) Down to ride til the very end, it’s me and my boyfriend
I never understood why couples used pet names, for the most part in my past relationships it was either hun or babe or baby. Always awkward that first time its used. But eventually it becomes natural.
Every couple uses them. Love bug! Snuggles! Pumpkin! Honey bear! Daddy! Amore! (A private one.) The list is endless. It’s a secret language between lovebirds that really flourishes during that initial “infatuation” stage.
In my last love affair we started out calling each other babe or baby or honey. Because we were “older”, saying “this is my boyfriend” or “girlfriend” seemed soooo juvenile.
Sometimes I called him “tiguere” (tiger), he called me his Lola – he did, he did!, but eventually the pet names we adopted and grew into were Bonnie and Clyde. Definitely not as original- right?, but we thought it was perfect for us. We had each other’s back or at least we wanted to.
It was a way to sustain the fantasy of our initial love and we really believed we were Bonnie and Clyde setting off on some wild and crazy adventure called a relationship.
I’m not sure why or how it started, maybe a movie, or a song, I don’t know, but I loved it and it suited us perfectly. At times we really thought we were Bonnie and Clyde, getting kicked out of casinos and having our mug shots taken with a cell phone and warned never to come back. BTW that is not true. We went back several times, got in, had a blast. They don’t save those pics- they just I don’t know- have nothing else to do in AC.
Anyway, we’ve sat in middle of boardwalks drunk on scotch AND love laughing hysterically while people strolled past us. Have fallen in the middle of sidewalks after a night of drinking and partying.
Of course, we never really committed crimes or carried guns like Bonnie and Clyde. We didn’t hurt people or kill anyone except our own love, eventually.
Our weapons were vodka and scotch, jealousy, insecurities, and lots of private jokes. From the outside looking in I’m sure we looked like two lunatics laughing hysterically, walking into places as if we owned it.
I’d like to believe at times we were looked upon with envy, during the bliss, the height of our love. Like damn! Look at that couple!
But just as Bonnie and Clyde had a dark side and so did we. And I think it’s that dark side which became the death of us. If you know the myth of Bonnie and Clyde you know they set off on a robbing spree, which eventually became a killing spree.
Bonnie saved his ass several times, broke him out of jail, drove the getaway car, turned herself in so he could escape. And sometimes Clyde saved Bonnie, from depression, her darkness, and herself.
At times they switched roles (yes I talk about us in the third person) and sometimes Clyde was in charge and other times Bonnie was in charge, but always together. Ride or die!!
This is how it was for us. In the beginning. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we had crazy passionate sex, long deep talks way into the wee hours of the night. We’ve set rugs on fire smoking hookah, spent nights making it rain on bitches at the strip clubs. Hey! Good times!
But like all great love stories, we our ending our demise was eminent.
I often wonder if it was a need for one or the other to be in charge. But, there was internal struggle between us. Eventually my lover became paranoid and distrustful, just like the movie and Bonnie became sad and moody.
It seemed every time we tried to reconnect and return to the original love story, the further away from it we became. We lost touch of all those feelings we had in the beginning, the warm fuzzy feelings that brought us together.
We lost touch of all the reasons why we loved each other. We lost sight of all the qualities we so loved about each other and eventually began to hate those very same qualities in each other. As it happens a lot of times. The very reasons you fall in love with someone are the very reasons you start hating them.
In retrospect, I imagine that there really was no other way for the real Bonnie and Clyde to end –tragically. But they died together.
I read in a book about Bonnie and Clyde that his last words to her, apparently, were “I love you, I will always love you”. I don’t know how true that it, but it made for a legendary fairy tale.
And I think that’s the problem with relationships today. We thrive on the fantasy of things. We scare and run when things get real and when the work has to happen.
Technology feeds us a movie, a fairy tale, a love story. Movies always end with a happy ending and I mean that’s not real life.
But if we can look at every aspect, every moment shared, every laugh, every cry as something of substance, as something of value to that relationship, as a learning experience, we would see that the good and the bad are a part of that history. A really important part. Something that makes us grow and flourish and become better.
My ex and I are still alive but broken beyond repair. And though we are broken he will always be my Clyde. I don’t think I could ever call anyone else my Clyde and I hope he won’t ever try to replace me with another Bonnie. And if he does, it’s okay too!
Though we would like to think we wrote our own tragic love affair, I know was already pre-destined. There was nothing we could have done to make it end differently—it was part of the plan to make us each grow as individuals and make us better for our next partner.
I know when I am on my deathbed, I will whisper “I love you, Clyde”. And even if he doesn’t whisper it back, I know he will always love me too. And that will make for a great love story.
Thank you for reading my post!! Find your Bonnie, find your Clyde…don’t worry about the ending, just enjoy the ride!!!