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How I’ve been entertaining myself online these days…and it’s not porn…I promise..

Hi my loves,

How are my single readers doing during this pandemic? Hopefully safe and healthy!!!

Years ago, when I went through my divorce, I did some online dating.  At that time many people were eerie about the dangers of dating online.  But I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get a visual first, then have some conversations with like-minded adults and weed out the ones you didn’t like. Simple enough. Right? Not!

I tried online dating through my single years.  After Kiss. came Match, Christian Mingle, Tinder, Bumble, to name a few.  Oh! How can we forget Zoosk?  The list is endless. There are apps for teens, the LGBTs, senior citizens, swingers, even a specific app by Ashley Madison that is solely for extramarital affairs, as if all the other ones don’t lend themselves to just that.

Recently, right at the start of the coronavirus pandemic, I decided to go online, #1 to do some research (see if these apps and experiences had improved any) and #2 for pure entertainment.

I signed up on Zoosk (someone suggested it) and POF, the infamous Plenty of Fish, which is mostly famous for the catfishers and cheaters.  But that’s a whole other blog. LOL.

I’ve been on these sights for a few weeks.  I do not pay for the extra “perks” because quite frankly I am a firm believer that if you’re going to meet someone, it’s going to happen regardless of whether you can see if they read your message or whether you can send or receive emojis.

Disclaimer: ( I love these…LOL)

You have to go into online dating purely for entertainment.  Anything more is a perk.  At least for me.  You cannot take them seriously.  (Especially during a pandemic).  That’s not to say that there aren’t some people who have success, but that’s the minority not the majority.  I have never gone on a date off these sites that was successful, if I even get the point of going on a date because typically men’s attention span is quite limited.  Just picture a child in a candy store.  Well I imagine that is what online dating site is like for men.

Anyway, so since I’ve been online, I have had three relationships, a very serious offer from someone who wants to “be my slave and obey my every command” (his words exactly) and two breakups. LOL!  All within 48 hours.

This is what happens during COVID19.  I mean in the past I would not have entertained any conversation long enough for anyone to insult me but, it’s like I said, online dating at best is entertainment.  And what the fuck else do I have to do these days??

The three relationships were all great at the beginning.  I swear.  Great, respectful conversation, consistent conversation.  Lots in common. One told me he knew I was the one and couldn’t wait for quarantine to be over.  One of them even said he had no need for the app anymore and would shut it down.   I was like, “um ok!” (Entertainment at best folks.)

But what I was really thinking was “Really?  You don’t even know if I am real.  I could be a total catfish”.  Apparently, that’s a thing still.  Catfishing people.  I don’t know why if you plan on meeting in person, you would send fake pics.  Is your personality really going to reel me in and keep me when I see you in real life and you look nothing like your pictures?

And folks it has nothing to do with being good looking because we know looks are subjective.  It has to do with looking like the pics you sent because ultimately the initial attraction is visual.  But this is only acceptable from men.  If a woman is not attracted, we are called vain and conceited.    SMH!

Anyway, I told him if you want to shut it down go right ahead.  Whatever floats your boat.  After a few days (and this was the same pattern for pretty much every man I spoke to) the texts dwindled and they started to exhibit same “ghosting” patterns as in person.  Eventually they disappeared.  Next!

Of the two relationships that were left, one of them got upset because after a few days of imaginary dating I told him I didn’t think were a match.  We had a facetime and I wasn’t attracted to him, AT ALL!  And his kitchen was super dingy and dirty (shit everywhere) and he started prepping food while we chatted and didn’t wash hands (Insert Cardi B voice: Corona virus!!! Shit is getting real!!!).

He just exhibited qualities that I didn’t like.  It was a whole vibe. He insisted that it is impossible to get a feel for someone virtually and I disagreed.  He said chemistry is not even a thing. WHAT?!?! (Of course, it is).  My responses to him dwindled and finally he proceeded to send me a very angry message both on the app and via text telling me basically that I was on the site just looking for men to stroke my ego and that I should grow up if I am looking for real love.   Hm.  So, you mean to tell me that you love me, already?

Needless to say, his message solidified what I already knew – we were definitely NOT a match.  I didn’t respond.  I mean had I sent that text to him I would have been called a crazy bitch. Next!

I had someone else literally just say “You’re fake.  Take down those fake pics.  You can’t possibly be 51.”  I was like well it doesn’t matter you’re 26, I wouldn’t date you.  Next!!

Listen I could go on and on with these stories but I’d much rather tell you what I’ve learned with online dating during these times.

  • Even during a pandemic people are looking for love.  No matter the age.  I was hit on from men ranging from 26-72.  People need human connection.
  • As a whole, we are a reckless society.  I can’t tell you how many men would chat with me over the course of 24 hours and get mad at me when I refused to meet them.  And refuse to chat anymore.  I get that’s the purpose of online dating; however we are in a period crisis.
  • Online dating should be a great vehicle to help narrow down what you want and/or don’t want in a person, online dating is still filled with more people playing games than not.  People who just want to look at pictures, send fake pictures, create a fake personality, build a bank of people you say you want to meet when in reality you probably have no intentions of doing so.

Don’t get me wrong, I think online dating can and has worked for a lot of people who end up in long term relationships.  But I would say that is not the norm.  But I also say, what else do we have to do?

So, if you’re single, go online!  Create a profile!  Talk to other adults!  Especially if you’re stuck in the house with a 20 -year-old who sleeps 19 hours out of 24 and a cat who is still not sure why you’re in the house now ALL THE TIME!

In the end, just remember online dating is like watching reality TV shows, and you’re being entertained.  One more thing you can do to keep busy during this new normal we are living.

PS: Here are some fun headings to keep you entertained. LOL!

“I am a fun and loving human being” (I would hope he’s human)

“Fun People” (Is he looking for fun people or does he have multiple personalities and considers himself more than one person?)

“I like sharp clothes and sharp cheese” (WTF!!!)

“Tired of dating scene” (But you’re on a dating app)

“I’m 27 not 41” (Young enough to be my son.)

“How much does a polar bear weigh?” (Why?)

“Watch out for Carol Baskin” (Of course someone had to throw this in there. LOL!)

Thank you for stopping by. Remember to like, comment, follow and share.

Stay healthy and safe.

LolaUncorked

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Apparently, men are always going to shoot their shots…

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Hey My Loves!

Happy Friday!!!  I wanted to post this on hump day because what better day than hump day to talk about exposed penises (LOL) but it didn’t happen.  Still recuperating from my mini get-away.

But the topic has been on my mind and a topic of conversation now for the last week between me, IG followers, female and male friends and random strangers.  After posting a story about an IG stranger who supposedly, accidentally and/or didn’t mean to send me a dick shot (as he said) everyone chimed in to share their thoughts.

Let me give you some background, even though my IG has been public for some time,  recently I have been bombarded by random men hitting me up to be friends. No biggie.

Sometimes I don’t entertain these men but at other times, I guess out of boredom, I engage in conversation always with the hope that it could potentially lead to an intelligent exchange.  Why in the world would I think that? Really Lola?!?

So this guy hit me up on IG, supposedly from Europe.  Piqued my interest as I hope to travel to Europe at some point and figured I could gain some travel tips and/or useful information.  It was just friendly chatting.  And I always made sure my responses were friendly and straightforward – leaving no room misinterpretations and/or innuendos.

Of course that didn’t last long.  Too good to be true.  One day he just started expressing how sexy he thought I was,  my lips, my body blah blah, etc. etc.  In my head I already knew where this was going so I cut the convo short and stopped answering.

The next morning he greeted me and this is the conversation that ensued (almost verbatim).

Him: I woke up thinking about my sexy Lola.

Me: Ok

Him: Do you want to see what you do to me?

Me:  I do not.  Please do NOT send me naked picture.

Him:   LOL. Okay.  I wasn’t. How are you?

Me: Good thanks and you?

Him: Why not?

Me: I’ve no desire to see dick shots.

Him: Insert dick shot here.

Me: Wow.   Really smh.

Him: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to send it.

(Insert scratching chin emoji here).  He proceeded to apologize profusely while at the same time definitely was making light of it.  Annoying. Needless to say I blocked him.

But then it got me thinking.  A lot.  About dick shots.  Like what made him feel that it was ok to send it. After I specifically asked him not to.  Did he get some type of pleasure from sending it? Was I supposed to like it? Say I wanted it? Ask for more?  Like what? So I posted an IG rant and I got responses from males and females and this is blog is a product of that.

I am thinking that because penises protrude from their bodies, men just feel an uncontrollable need to just stick it out.  One friend (female) stated she didn’t really think the dick shots are for the receiver.  It’s really for the sender.  The sender could probably give two shits whether or not the receiver sees it, but the dude gets pleasure from merely unzipping his pants and setting it free. There is satisfaction to be had in the unknown reaction of the receiver.  Makes sense.

One male alluded to the fact that perhaps I invited it, maybe in my naiveté that I could have a completely, platonic, adult conversation on IG with a random stranger?!?!  Ok maybe I was being naive.  But that’s like saying that it was the victim’s fault she got raped for what she wore!! Ridiculous.

Listen I know the internet is a cesspool of looney bins and pervs but at the same time it is a part of our society and its mechanics.  People use it to stay connected to friends and family, meet people, network, sell a brand, build a business.  So is it completely ludicrous for me to think that it is possible to engage in non-lewd conversations?  Apparently.

Another interesting take is that sending penis shots is 2020’s version of street flashers. LOL! I thought that was hysterical and probably true.  Think about it unless they get caught they just go on flashing, just as I am thinking my IG flasher has quite possibly flashed many more since me and I have not been giving a second thought.

Then there is the question “Are there women out there that enjoy penis shots?”  Is it possible since women are always talking about loving the big one, wanting the huge one, that men flashing is their way of possibly getting rejected softly?

Rather than meeting in person they shoot the shot and if the female doesn’t like it, she will go away. The man can then go ahead and make up any excuse in his head as to why she disappeared and it doesn’t hurt the ego.  Unless of course she blatantly says “that’s all you got?” Ouch!

What I can tell you flashers is that most of the women that shared their thoughts with me, do NOT want random penis shots.  It’s distasteful and gross and think about it, if you have daughters, sisters, nieces or even moms, they could the one getting the random dick shot.  So a little self control goes a long way.

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This meme was hysterical. Amazing what you find on the internet.

Perhaps I am being prudish in my old age, but for me, the shot has more impact if it’s within the context of a relationship with someone who is trying to seduce me mentally first and then physically.  A little flirting, a little mental foreplay and tasteful shots can make some serious magic happen. LOL.

And I mean in the end, like a dear friend said, men ultimately don’t want a woman, they want a vagina.  Penises want vaginas.  Sometimes they find one they want so badly, they’ll ultimately take the body attached to it, too.  polarbearpenis

So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised about the penis shots.  Another attempt on the part of the man to get to the vagina without doing any of the hard work.  And I am thinking that out of 10 shots a man takes, it’s quite possible that at least 1 may stick (no pun intended) and I mean I guess if I was a guy I would take those odds, too!

That’s all I got. I am thinking we will never truly know why!

Thanks for stopping by my loves!  Thank you to all those of you who shared their thoughts with me!

Don’t forget to like, comment, share, and follow!

I linked this article because I thought it was pretty interesting. Enjoy!

https://www.mic.com/articles/186005/what-motivates-men-to-expose-themselves-to-women-without-consent

Disclaimer: As you can tell I switched up between the use of “dick” and “penis” in this post.  No reason whatsoever. I just liked the way each sounded at different points!

LolaUncorked♥

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Is sexting considered cheating? Yay or nay….

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Hey my loves!

I was talking to a friend who was recently cheated on.  Again.

He had begged and pleaded for her to take him back. Apologized. Sent flowers.  Talked to her friends.  Acknowledged that he had demons and issues and promised he would work on them.

She swallowed her pride.  Put her ego aside.  Recognized that everyone makes mistakes herself included and decided to make it work.  She recognized that to make it work she would have to work at rebuilding the trust again. No snooping.  No throwing the indiscretion in his face, every time she felt insecure.

They began to rebuild the relationship.  And everything was great.  Of course, this was all happening during the holidays – which is after all the most wonderful time of the year.  LOL. Things were going great and they were finally talking about taking the relationship to the next level – living together.

And then one day, she caught him again.  This time it was sexting.  Yes. She snooped.  Considering the extent and drama around the first infidelity, she did pretty good snooping just twice.  Anyway, he says it was only sexting.  He hadn’t seen her or hooked up with her.  He was just talking “shit?”  What?  Huh?

But I mean isn’t sexting the same as cheating.  I mean please enlighten me.  And did he not have sex with her because he got caught?  What was the purpose for the sexting? What is the end goal? Isn’t it to get hot and heavy and then have sex?

Let’s talk about sexting.

Sexting defined is to send (someone) sexually explicit photographs or messages via mobile phone. (“older teens are more likely to engage in sexting than their younger counterparts”)

Read that again, “older teens?”  not grown adults apparently.  Hmmm.

“Sexting is actually most likely to occur within a committed relationship.”

“Now that Melissa had evidence, her husband immediately changed his tune: I don’t know why I do these things. I love you. He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong, because he’d had no physical contact with the other woman. But for Melissa, it didn’t matter whether he’d actually followed through with his graphic messages. He’d still lost her trust. She decided to file for divorce, a process she’s still going through today. Melissa said the text messages were what drove her to dissolve the marriage.”

https://.huffpost.com/entry/sexting-cheating_n_6185288

“Sexting becomes adultery when one person in the relationship does it without consent from a partner and without concern for how he or she will feel about it. Concealing a relationship outside of the primary one means that lying and hiding are involved, and at the moment, there is very little, if any, regard for how the other person will feel about that outside relationship. The lying and secrecy associated online affairs will destroy a couple’s trust and commitment. Trust is sacred in any relationship, and once that trust is broken, it is hard to repair.”

http://netaddiction.com/is-cybersex-cheating/

Why do people sext? Well the internet listed many reasons.  This guy told his girl that whenever she left him alone he felt lonely—- um ok. Most people feel lonely and they read a book, watch tv, go out and meet friends.  Nope.  Not this guy.  He sexts or cheats.  SMDH!!!

People sex out of boredom, loneliness, curiosity, the excitement of doing it and not getting caught, or even possibly getting caught and the drama that comes with that.  A need to feel desired and wanted.  And sometimes plain ‘ole “sin vergüenzeria” that’s Spanish basically for no shame in his/her game.  Just don’t give a fuck!

And this is all well and good if both parties are aware of it, but when it involves lying, it takes on a whole other meaning – cheating.  And of course it means different things to the parties involved.  For the person that catches it, it is hurtful.  For the person doing it it might mean nothing at all.  Like this guy.  “I was just talking BS”.  “I was bored”.  “It doesn’t mean anything”.

He says he wasn’t cheating, but I get to differ. Especially coming on the heels of the first incident.

So is sexting cheating?  I say yes.  You all can chime in. l say anything that is done without your partner’s consent or something you would not be okay with having your partner do- whether it’s just words or illicit pictures is cheating.

If you have to hide it, it’s cheating.  If you have to go out of your way to put your phone on airplane mode, delete messages, give fake names to contacts, it’s cheating.  Anythingsexting  that you would not be okay with your partner doing is cheating. Because if a sexter was okay with their partner sexting then that’s a conversation that needs to be had and understood.

Listen everyone gets bored. Everyone gets lonely at times.  Everyone loves the excitement of a new relationship.  People love the thrill of sneaking around and or even getting caught.  Some people LOVE THE THRILL!!!

But the question is at what expense?  Is it even worth it?  Is it worth the pain that is caused.  The extended relationships that are broken.  Having people take sides.

And if you’re looking to fill some hole in the relationship then maybe they are not the one.

Or how about this why don’t you sext with your partner?  Build excitement.  Keep things spicy and avoid all the fall out of a relationship ending. Over something so fucking stupid.

I don’t know, I’m just saying that before you hit send ask yourself is it worth it?

And to my friend I said if he’s dumbass enough to get caught again, do you really want him?

Thanks for stopping by loves.  Don’t forget to like, comment, follow and share!  Tell me your thoughts?

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Gotta laugh sometimes.

LolaUncorked♥

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A little nip here…a little tuck there…some things I learned after my surgery abroad…

Hi my Loves!

I hope that January wrapped up nicely for you all!   Even though it did feel like the longest January ever.

I’ve been wanting to talk a little nip/tuck for some time and finally decided to sit and share my story.

Five years ago I had a terrible break up.  I got dumped.   Like seriously, me?!? LOL! Just kidding.  Even though it was an unhealthy relationship and I knew everything that was wrong with it, I was distraught when it ended and even more distraught when I found out she was younger, not cuter, just younger and fit.  SOOOO, as we do, many women, we start comparing and thinking about all the things we could have done or been to keep the man.

So I decided to get a little nip/tuck.  My implants were over 15 years old and needed be replaced/lifted and figured there was no time like that time to get it done.

After some research, I chose Dr. Carlos Jimenez in DR, mostly because he is a close family friend of my sister in law, he served as a doctor for the U.S. military, and he did NOT have a huge presence, or any presence on IG unlike many that are found on social media.

After having a phone conversation, I sent him photos of myself and while consulting with Dr. Jimenez via Whatsapp, I also decided to have a little back fat removed and a little liposuction in my abdomen. See photos.

Dr. Jimenez suggested a tummy tuck, but #1 I didn’t think I needed it (exercise would have worked), #2 I didn’t want that huge scar and #3 I didn’t want to be away from home longer than I needed to be.  I get very antsy and anxious when I am away from my kids for too long (even though they are grown asses!) LOL!!!

My friends suggested I make my ass bigger by adding some of the fat I removed from my back and waist to my butt, but honestly I just kept thinking that’s like adding future cellulite to work off!! LOL!!! In the end I didn’t need to because once he removed the back fat, I looked like I had snatched my waist making my butt look rounder and perkier!  Winning!

As with any surgery, whether here or abroad, we should always be informed and do our research.  Talk to other people who have had the same procedure.  Consult with several if not many doctors.  Don’t be fooled by what you see on social media.  I know a few people who went to some really popular surgeons, paid exorbitant prices only to end up really disappointed with the results.

Anyway I wanted to write this blog to talk about my experience, things I regret, information I gained after the fact that would have supported my healing and just some tips and suggestions for those of you considering any type of plastic surgery.

Now you guys know I love disclaimers so here goes:

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional (clearly) and everything included in this post is based on my own personal experience.  Everyone is going to have a different experience, but hopefully you may pick up a tip or two that can support you on your plastic surgery journey.

In preparation for surgery, some of the work included getting a physical and some bloodwork here, no drinking and no smoking for a month prior.  I started gym a few times a week and also tried to do some clean eating.

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Before my surgery.  Notice the boob on the right?  That implant had deflated and was halfway under my armpit. I also always thought my hip “balls” were too large for my body, so Dr. Jimenez sucked a little fat out of there to make it more proportionate.

I arrived on a Wednesday and met Dr. Jimenez on Thursday.  He conducted more blood work and early Friday I was given the go ahead.  At the clinic, Dr. Jimenez took his little black marker out.  He again suggested the tummy tuck, I opted against it ( something I later regret, keep reading).  We also decided to take out a little fat from the outside and inside of my thighs (which I love!!!)

I was prepped for surgery and taken in.  I just want to say that Dr. Jimenez and his staff were so lovely and caring. And man can we just talk about anesthesia??? O M G!  I love that shit. LOL.

Anyway, after the surgery, I was nicely bound in a post operative compression garment and/or “faja” and released from the clinic the next day to a recovery house.

This “faja” was really difficult to get on because I was so swollen and it was XS.  It took two nurses and a wonderful girl who I became friends with (who was accompanying her friend for surgery) to get me into this chamber of torture.  Terrible and painful.  It did make me feel secure, like it was holding everything in place.  However, my first night in the recovery house my legs swelled from mid-thigh down.  A LOT!! I was really concerned and reached out to the doctor.  He made me go back the next day and gave me one a size bigger. 

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Chamber of Torture. It took three people to get me into this thing before leaving the clinic. Ouch!

In the recovery house, they took wonderful care of me cooking healthy meals, making natural juices (diuretics), and helping me in and out of bed. I stayed at the recovery house for a few days then went to stay with family.

Once there I immediately started my lymphatic massages.  Can we talk about these massages?  OMG!  Hurt like hell.  I definitely have a high tolerance for pain.  The strangest thing about the massages, though, is that even though they hurt like HELL, there is almost a relief in the pain. If that makes sense.  My masseuse was also amazing.  She came to me everyday for the next 8 days.  Soon it was time to fly home.

Dr. Jimenez wanted me to stay three weeks.  I stayed for two.  Definitely not enough.  The air pressure on the airplane made me retain so much liquid.  I had compression socks on and walked up and down aircraft several times but still.  By the time I landed I looked like I had gained 20 lbs.  Wish I had a picture.

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Before coming home. Nice and flat, waist snatched. 

The day after I got home, I noticed that I had a pocket of liquid in my lower abdomen. Like you could actually see the liquid moving around in the lower part of my abdomen.  Definitely, did not have this in DR and I believe it was as a result of two things –  the extra skin I did not remove via a tummy tuck and the fluid build up from flight home.  These pockets are sometimes called “seroma”.  Follow this link for some basic information on seromas.

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It took me a while to figure out how to edit these photos. LOL!

https://drmosser.com/prevent-seroma-formation-plastic-surgery/  

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Pocket of fluid

I didn’t stress it too much and immediately started my lymphatic massages and had my best friend who is a nurse drain the fluid with a syringe daily.   I did two more sessions of ten massages at different spas. But I ended up developing fibrosis after liposuction. Here’s another link to some information.

https://ariamedtour.com/blogs/lumps-after-liposuction/

I tried waist trainers, exercises and creams to make the skin on my stomach look and feel less lumpy.  I rarely wear a bikinis anymore because I am self conscious about it.  The skin feels tight. 

Disclaimer: I do not blame Dr. Jimenez for the results of my stomach lipo.    I blame it on lack of information on my part.   My back,  thighs, and waist look amazing.  I will definitely go back to correct hopefully.  I should have gone with the tummy tuck.  But we live and learn for sure.

Now let’s talk about my boobies!!!  THEY are A-mazing!!!  He outdid himself.  Scarring is minimal.  Great lift and cleavage.

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Look at these babies!

In wrapping up  this post here are some tips (that might work for you or not):

  1. DO YOUR RESEARCH please.  Ask tons of questions. Not only about the doctor and/or country, but also about your skin and how you heal.  I come from bad skin LOL dry, little elasticity, older, so this also may have had something to do with my healing process.
  2. When you initially have surgery I suggest a “faja” that fits comfortably until your skin and tissues start healing.  My thought for this is that I was squeezed into this XS faja with all this raw healing tissue inside and my body started to take on the creases from wearing it so tight.  I developed a seroma and fibrosis after my surgery.
  3. I believe you can drink too many fluids.  I know it’s recommended but I definitely feel I drank too many liquids hence I started retaining liquid.

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    This is the amount being drained in the first few days home.
  4. You should not be getting laser infrared treatments initially.  Why? Your skin tissue is raw and basically the laser cooks those tissues under there.  Results? Hardening, lumpiness.  I should have stuck to the lymphatic massages until everything was smoothed out.  (This came from a surgeon I visited for a post up consult here.) And please share your thoughts about this.  I’ve tried several treatments for the fibrosis to no avail.  Insert sad face here.
  5. If you’re having surgery abroad especially liposuction, plan to stay minimum 3 weeks.
  6. If you’re not happy with your results contact your doctor as soon as possible.  This is easier if you have your surgery here,  but nonetheless I feel that maybe had I contacted Dr. Jimenez sooner perhaps I could have gotten it corrected.  Wah! Wah!

Okay I am done.  Like I said before everyone’s experience is different and you may completely disagree with what’s in this blog, BUT this was my experience.  And even though I am not 100% happy with results my only regret was not having a full on tummy tuck, but again I didn’t want to stay longer.  AND I kind of like my belly button! LOL!

Thanks for stopping by! Don’t forget to like, comment, follow and share!

Here are a few more pics!

LolaUncorked♥

 

 

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Living intentionally in this new year, new decade…

Hey Loves!  Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!!!  I have to tell you that I am glad the holidays are over!  ABSOLUTELY exhausted.  Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time off.  Spent with family and friends.  Ate too much! Drank too much! Slept not enough. LOL. But blessed to have the time to share with my loved ones.

Now that I slowed down a bit, I wanted to come on here and address the “new year, new me” syndrome. Because that’s all we are going to see on social media until about mid February when everyone falls off the wagon.

But seriously what exactly is wrong with the “old” you.  I mean are you that bad?!?! Are WE that bad? And what compels us to make all these ridiculous resolutions in the new year. Resolutions that aren’t going to stick because they are just unrealistic and overwhelming.

I didn’t make resolutions this year, because I really want to think intentionally about what I’d like to accomplish.  I am pondering some bigger picture sort of stuff.  Not the usual lose 10 pounds, workout everyday twice a day, give up liquor, sugar AND carbs kind of resolutions, journal and meditate every day, get up at 5! I mean I am exhausted just thinking about it.

They are just silly and resolutions like those set us up for IMMEDIATE failure.  And so I’ve been taking my time to really think about attainable goals or intentions (as I like to  call them) that have meaning and that will have a positive impact on the three areas of my life : health, spirituality and finances!  Not because there is anything wrong with the old me but because there is always room for improvement, right?

I’ve also been thinking about the reasons why we fail at goals and why intentions are more impactful and the ways  we can stay committed, maintain and sustain our work.

I found this explanation of the difference between goals and intentions:

Goals are focused on the future. Intentions are in the present moment. Goals are a destination or specific achievement. Intentions are lived each day, independent of achieving the goal or destination. Author Unknown /Google

goalsvsintentions

Isn’t that great!?!  This is why so many of us give up on long term goals.  The minute we fail at it or fall off the wagon, we give up completely.  For example, if my goal is to lose 10 pounds by going to gym and eating healthy, the minute I miss a day or two at gym for whatever reason, what happens?  Ya’ll know.   We use it to beat ourselves up and come up with a bunch of excuses as to the point?  We give up.  I know I do.  Then I may tell myself forget the healthy eating because what’s the point I am not working out. And just like that goals go “poof”!!!

Intentions are different.  Intentions or living intentionally focuses our vision and our thoughts towards an action.  When we set intentions the self talk is different.  The self talk could sound more like:  powerofintention

“Today I intend to do one thing towards being healthy – take a walk at lunchtime. (For example).  If for some reason I miss my walk at lunch time, I could say to myself, “Ok I missed lunch but today when I go the supermarket, I intend to park as far away as possible from entrance.”

Or here is another one: “Today I intend to smile at everyone I meet.” It could be that as I walk into the building, the guy who cut me has left a scowl on my face and I barely say good morning.  Then someone will smile at me, I smile back and remember my intention.  I still have bunch of people I can smile at, maybe someone who really needed it that day.  It doesn’t feel as “ugh” as failing at my goal and completely giving up.  Tomorrow I can wake and set intentions all over again.

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The more you do something, the more innate it becomes therefore becoming a habit. The more intentions you meet or fulfill the more thought you put into reflecting what it is you want to see flourish within you that is going to get you a step closer to your overall goal. We know it takes 21-28 days to create habits. And intentions can change and still guide you to where you want to go.

So with all that in mind I am reflecting on this past year and of where I’d like to see myself grow in this new year and then setting daily intentions to create those life long habits that will hep me reach those goals.

Here are some quick ways to get those intentions into your day:

  1. I keep a dry erase board next to my calendar that I see each morning on the way to bathroom.  I jot down three quick intentions for my morning. Smile at everyone I meet, give a compliment.  Drink two bottled waters before I leave home.
  2. At work I jot down some intentions on post its (am and pm).
  3. I also use my desk calendar to jot intentions.
  4. As I drive home I think of some intentions for my evening (share a meal with my daughter, work out for 30 minutes (wherever that my be), meditate before bed.

As you kick off this new year and new decade, sit in silence and really think about how you want to grow yourself. Always remembering that there is nothing wrong or broken with the “old” you but that there is always room for better.

I really wish you all a healthy, abundant and intentional new year!

Happy New Year!

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LolaUncorked♥