Image

Ebbs and Flows

Hi, My lovies∼

Wow!  We are in December!!!  What the beejuz!!!  Why is time whizzing by so fast??  I mean why is that? July went by so nice and smooth and well paced. Then bam! I was . half way through August.  And here I am nearing the end of 2019!  Crazy.

So today we are talking relationships and boy what a convoluted yet can be simple topic, right??? Anyway, a while ago I asked some people to complete a survey for me because I had some relationship “stuff” percolating.  As you guys know I have no problem coming on here and putting it out there.

Not many of you responded to the anonymous survey, guess ya was too skeeerrddd (LOL) to put your stuff out there, but I had at least 10 of you respond in a very honest and open way.

I asked questions like:

  1. How long have you been with your partner?”
  2. How often do you have sex?
  3. Who initiates mostly?
  4. On a scale of 1-10 what’s the level of passion in the relationship?
  5. What are your thoughts on open relationships?

And here’s what I concluded from my very small sample.   And yea, I don’t care if it was a small sample, but I’ve had enough conversations with many others that gave me ideas. So let’s get to it! relationship5.jpg

I’ve been divorced for a hot minute and have had two serious relationships in the last 10 years.

As I’ve gotten older dating has become increasingly difficult because as we age we get very set in our ways.  If you spend enough time alone, that becomes the “normal.”

It seems that as much as we want “balance” in a relationship. It’s difficult to come by.  It’s either all or nothing.  It’s either they are all in or playing games.  There is always someone in the relationship who wants more, needs more, loves more.  And as much as some of you may think that’s a bad thing.  I think if you can come to some sort of agreement things can turn out better than you imagine, but you have to be wiling and open to renegotiating the relationship.  You can’t expect that your relationship will maintain the level of intensity it had throughout years and years.  relationship3.jpg

I told someone “take your relationships as learning experience” and they were offended.  They took it as meaning that they were an experiment or guinea pig and nothing else good came of it but a learning experience.  Weird.  Like why?  If we don’t learn from our relationships how are we supposed to learn about ourselves, how we interact, grow and do better next time around?

At the end of the day, people differently in relationships.  Relationships ebb and flows.

Yet our society bombards us with this idea that relationships always have to be on this all time “HIGH” – ALL THE TIME. And quite frankly the mere thought of that exhausts me.

Some people believe that if the level of intensity experienced at the beginning of a relationship doesn’t maintain then it means there is something wrong in the relationship. relationship6.jpg

In my most recent relationship this was an issue.  I am not an overly affectionate person.  I never have been.  Even with my own kids, it’s just not part of my DNA- to be touchy feely and hoochi coochie.  But it doesn’t mean my love is any less.  It just means I express it differently.

It just means that as I progress through a relationship, I go through different stages.  Sometimes I am all time high, sometimes I am sucked into real life  – work, bills, stress, self questioning, insecurity.  Sometimes I want to be babied and coddled.  Other times I want complete solitude to regroup and come back stronger.

But always learning and growing.  So here are some things I have learned:

  1. People express love differently
  2. For some people love is expressed through affection and words of affirmations. For others love expressed through acts of labor – taking out garbage, fixing things at home. For others its expressed through touch and sex. Everyone’s expression of love is different and it’s ok.
  3. Any relationship is a bonus to a person’s self growth and discovery
  4. And finally sex is not always going to be amazing, out of this world, star spangled banner, fireworks invoking kind of sex.  If your having that type of sex all the time, every time, like 4-5 times a week, then you must be an escort, you’re cheating or faking it.  Sorry not sorry.  I am just saying.

It is what it is.

Your goal should be that you are willing to have conversations about needs and find middle ground.  Being aware and in tuned to your partners wants and needs.  Finding balance so that neither feels they are putting in more than the other.  Sometimes all this works and you have a great streak and flow.  ebbsandflows

And other times you fall into a rut.  You get stuck.  You become stagnant.  Try not to live in that space too long.  Do something fun and exciting with your partner.  Dress up. Dress down. Go on a date night.  Stay in. Whatever it takes to get things moving. Relationships take WORK and EFFORT.

At least if you think its worth it anyway.

Thanks for stopping by lovies!

 

Don’t forget to like, comment, follow and share!

♥LolaUncorked

Image

Cabos was everything…..

Happy Friday My Loves ∼

(Note: This blog was started last Friday but was having difficult time deciding which pics to edit and post so it’s a little late, but still cloudy! And Maine already happened – that blog next!  Enjoy!!)

So I just wanted to jump on here real quick to talk about my most recent trip to Cabo!  I figured why not today as I sit under these cloudy skies.

travelready
Travel ready!

Cabo San Lucas was everything!  I mean I think any place I travel to is everything, but I have to say that I really loved Cabo San Lucas.

After a slight glitch in plans and three alarms not going off, missed flight, I made it to Cabo.  My travel partner was already there waiting for me since she was smart and went to bed early and made it to airport on time.

I don’t know.  I just love breaking night when traveling!  It’s like I am a kid on Christmas Eve.

Anyway, the benefit of missing the flight? They put me on a direct one rather than the original connecting flight.  Also, because it was delayed, they gave me free wine.  Who could ask for anything more?!?! Right.

The downside of missing original flight? I missed my shuttle to the hotel. When I arrived in Cabo, solo, at night with no shuttle I was a little nervous.  Luckily, they had a shared shuttle which I took for $17 without too many stops.

quietpool2
The quiet pool

We stayed at the Riu Hotel Palace Cabo San Lucas www.riu.com. We began our booking through  www.travelzoo.com but our package ultimately was a deal on www.vacationexpress.com.   I have to say I was skeptical because we got such a great deal (I thought) and kept waiting for some hidden fees.  But it was kosher – we paid approximately $1000 per person for airfare, hotel (all inclusive) and transfers from and to the airport.

I chose the Riu because I’ve stayed in their hotel in Puerto Plata.  I have to say though that the Riu in Cabo was above and beyond my expectations.

The hotel houses over 600 rooms, spa, fitness center, Mexican, Japanese and Indian cuisine, incredible buffets, steakhouse and grill by the pool. Oh! and in case you’re wondering the hotel has seven bars.  Winning!!!

piscina-3-hotel-riu-palace-cabo-san-lucas_tcm55-169380 (1)
Swim up bar and infinity pool! Just lovely! PC|www.riu.com

This hotel was huge and we spent a lot of time walking, like I literally lost 6 pounds even with all the drinking, eating and lazying around.

There were a few downsides to my trip:

  1. This is their winter so the mornings and evenings were pretty cool.  I’d recommend some light sweaters.  Once the sun got going we were good.  Their warmer months are from July to October.
  2. It was spring break. Need I say more?? Unfortunately it was the best package we could find, so we did have to deal with them for a couple days.  The great thing is that this hotel is so immense that there were various pools and swim up bars to get away from them all.  We did that on our
    sportsbaryuck
    This was the hotel sports bar….terrible! LOL

    second day and decided to hang by the “quiet” pool- way too quiet. LOL!

  3. The sports bar – UGH! Because I arrived late I had to go to the sports bar to get a “snack”. Snack meaning chips and cheese sauce and hot dogs.  First of all, this place did not even look like a bar. Super well lit! Huge open space! Lots of teeny boppers.  Felt more like a run down arcade.  Hated it!

The food was great, the daily buffets pretty expansive and generous.  Facilities were clean and our room was always serviced nice and early.  Nothing like coming back to your room for a midday siesta and having it still be in a shambles.  Eek!

We took a ride into town to do some shopping and drinking and ended up at the cutest

kruda bar
Bar Kruda 101

watering hole Bar Kruda 101 where Miguel whipped up some delicious libations and then back at night to do a little partying.  Such a different feel from Cancun.  I loved it.  It just felt less hectic, but still lots of fun.

 

My favorite part of my visit were the landscapes.  Every morning I would head to pool early and just breathe in the beach with the mountains as a backdrop! Breathtaking!!

Overall, I would definitely recommend a visit to Cabo San Lucas and definitely check out the Riu Hotel Palace. It was definitely worth the trip and the second of my trips in my 50s!

whitepartyfinished
We were done and ready to come home!

Bucket list item √√√

Next stop ——————–> Maine! Road Trip with the girls for some lobster! Stay tuned.

Thanks for stopping by!

mountainsand beach
Look at this mountains!!!

LolaUncorked♥

 

Image

50 Things I Want To Do In My 50s

old-ageHi, My Loves∼

So as you all know I am turning 50 in about a week.  That’s a big one. It actually seems surreal.

You know how people often say, “Oh you don’t look like you’re 30, 40 or 50!” Like what exactly does any age look like? I am not sure what 50 should look or feel like.  I guess it feels exactly how I feel right now.

And I feel pretty awesome.  In a great place.  I love my job.  I have an amazing family.  A nice circle of friends.  I have health most importantly, but I feel like, and maybe some of you guy feel same- I feel like there are so many things I haven’t done. So I have compiled a list of things I want to do this year, experiences I want to have, places I want to go.

I’ve been really thinking about things I’ve always wanted to do and have not done yet. So in commemoration of my blogs one year anniversary – here is my list of  50 things I want to do in my 50s. (And these are not in any particular order of importance.)

  1. Do more yoga. Like aside from the physical I would like to know yoga with my yogaspirit.
  2. Go to Maine and eat lobster.
  3. Move to a nicer, bigger place. Maybe even become a homeowner.
  4. Skydive, though I don’t know if I’ll actually do it.
  5. Go to Europe, I’ve never been.
  6. Blog more.  At least once a week. Really grow my blog and hopefully do some influencing.
  7. Write. Start writing that book. About what? I’m not sure yet.
  8. Probably take some writing lessons in order to write that book.
  9. Run a marathon.
  10. Sell at least 5 homes this year.
  11. Go visit Graceland. I am a huge Elvis fan.
  12. Become debt free.
  13. Go on a family vacation with my girls and grandkids – something as simple as the shore.
  14. Volunteer more.
  15. Take a road trip cross country.
  16. Meditate more.
  17. Create a meditating space at home.
  18. Find a Buddhist temple near me and engage in some learning.
  19. Read more books- hard copies!
  20. Spend more time with my mom. Create some kind of a tradition/ritual with her.
  21. Journal EVERYDAY.
  22. Write a letter to Oprah. Don’t ask. Hopefully get a response.

    bathrobe2
    Self-care is most important in my 50s.
  23. More self-care things like monthly massages and/or facials.
  24. Grow my hair and possibly let it gray naturally.
  25. Declutter. Really live minimally.
  26. See my dad more often.
  27. Learn some basic photography.
  28. Start a Vlog
  29. Send birthday cards to people instead of a social media post.
  30. Work out at least 5 times a week
  31. Move away from Facebook.
  32. Speak more Spanish to my grandbabies.
  33. Maybe learn another language – I love Portuguese, BUT I know some Italian, sooo maybe.
  34. Apply to be on a game show – I’ve done this several times (never made it) – the freaking application for Wheel of Fortune is insane.
  35. Play in the rain/mud.
  36. Spend more time down the shore
  37. Live a healthier lifestyle overall
  38. Learn how to swim finally!
  39. Quit drinking alcohol.
  40. Go parasailing.
  41. Take tango lessons.
  42. Create a daily practice of journaling, meditating, exercising, and eating healthy.
  43. Be kinder to people – smile more (guilty of RBF). LOL!
  44. Build my family tree (I did my DNA and it was sooo interesting).
  45. Go ziplining again – IT was amazing.
  46. Visit an ashram.
  47. Visit more bookstores.
  48. Celebrate NYE on an island somewhere.

Isn’t this list amazing?  Now listen, clearly I can’t do all of this in ONE year, but you best believe I am starting.

I will reflect on this list throughout this year and make sure I am making moves to check off these 50 items off my bucket list in my 50s.

What’s on your list of things to do?  You don’t have to wait until your 30, 40 or 50 to start your list and to start checking off those things that stir your soul.

Life is so short and in my almost 50 years, I’ve seen how quickly a life is snuffed out whether to disease or accident.  I have been blessed thus far and I’ve done a lot, but there is more I want to do and plan to do!

Someone I knew once said, “Don’t wait for another day or another hour or another time.  Go and Do It. Now” – Kyrzayda –

So just watch me guys!  Here’s to 50!

Happy birthday to me!

champagne2
Cheers to me!

Thanks for stopping by and reading.  Make sure to like, comment, share and follow!

LolaUncorked♥

 

Image

Be Careful What You Wish For

Hi, My Loves ∼ So apparently, sometimes you really do have to be careful what you wish for. It’s like people who want to be in a relationship and then get it and then it’s like ugh!? But why?

sbaby

Or you want a baby and then you get one and it’s like “WTF was I thinking? This is a lot of work”.

Or a “dream” job that turns out to be a complete nightmare because of an asshole boss.
Listen, I am not saying you shouldn’t wish or desire things, just be careful and be sure that YOU really want what you’re wishing for.  Make sure it isn’t for stupid reasons like all your friends are in relationships, or everyone is having a baby, or look at that influencer’s life seems great and easy, when in reality that’s just social media.  You get my point right?

Anyway, a friend of a friend of a friend shared a story about a couple. I’m going to change names (actually this happened so long ago, I really don’t remember the participants’ names, so I’ll make them up). Her name is Maria and his name is John. Simple.

DISCLAIMER: This is a friend of a friend of a friend, and I heard this story last summer and jotted it down as a possible blog but other blogs came before. With that said, some of it may be embellished or made up from memory but you guys will get it. The story itself is not the point though.

Anyway, John and Maria have been married for a while, have kids, go to work, have friends and family, vacations, etc.

Maria was feeling a little bored with the relationship.  You know the usual humdrum that happens when the passion fades and people have to grow up and adult as a couple. Handle a home, bills, work, etc.

Maria broached the conversation with John a few times. They tried to figure out different ways to spice things up. She was sure John must be suffering the same ailment. From what I gathered I don’t think he was at this point, but her proposition must have sparked something in him.

She proposed that they try a sort of open relationship, they could both see/sleep with others, the only rule being they didn’t let it intrude in their home and family life. So don’t be seen out in public with the other person, set boundaries for communicating, use protection.

Well, John was completely offended and taken off guard and was like “ABSOLUTELY, NO WAY, NO HOW!” They had a couple more conversations trying to negotiate, but John was not for it.

Instead what John did some time later was that he took it upon himself and embarked on an affair and he got caught. And she was NOT happy about it. At all! Threatened separation, divorce, etc.

Now, now!! You all are thinking well she wanted them to see others, right? At least it’s what ran through my mind. Why is she so upset? I also wondered why did he go and cheat when the when the idea of an open relationship was so off the table for him?

Well, I have my thoughts. Selfishness and ego. Men are selfish creatures. Men also have HUGE egos. I am thinking that when Maria approached him with the idea of an open relationship, his initial thoughts went something like:

“Why? Am I not enough?”
“What’s wrong with me” “Why do you need another man?”
“Am I not good enough in bed?

(And I could be wrong, as I am not a man-so men correct me please.)

Anyway, Maria was so offended, mortified, hurt, broken. She demanded that they go to therapy to rebuild the trust and relationship.

Wait, wait, wait, but wasn’t it Maria who approached John with the idea initially? Why was she now so indignant and repulsed by what John did when this was what she wanted?

Just playing devil’s advocate here.devil

As a woman, I completely KNOW why she was so upset.

He didn’t agree to it initially. He was adamant about not wanting to share. His love for her was so great, according to him, that he was afraid an open relationship would open them up to issues of mistrust.

But then he went and cheated.

What are your thoughts? Is Maria right in her reaction? What about John? Why do you guys think he cheated when he was so against the idea of an open relationship?

How about this question: Is monogamy sensible? Reasonable? Attainable? Well we know it’s attainable but can anyone be monogamous for years and years and years and still feel passion and excitement for their partner?

I have many thoughts about monogamy we can talk about in another post, but I will say this like most things in life relationships take work, daily, consistent, present work. And couples need to understand that needs change, during your 20s, your 30s and so on.

To believe that what satisfied you in your 20s, could satisfy you in your 30s or 40s is simple minded. Now is this to say you should cheat? That is not what I am saying.

I think every relationship is unique and different and can only be negotiated and or navigated by the people involved. With that said couples at the very least need to engage in conversations about their needs and wants and expectations on a consistent basis.

Can we maybe step back and think what might have happened instead, had John been willing and open to renegotiate the marriage? Maybe not an open relationship but perhaps giving Maria an alternative. Rather than shutting down to the idea completely and shutting down the conversation.

I don’t know what happened to John and Maria, but what happened got me thinking. It got me thinking about relationships, how to sustain them, and stay in passion. healthy relationship

But all that aside, be careful what you wish for, because the very thing you want can be the thing that bites you in the butt!

Thanks for stopping by!

LolaUncorked♥

Image

One Love…One Jamaica…

traveling
About to take off!!! Jamaica here I come…

Hey loves!! It has been some time since I’ve been on here, but #1 I just don’t have pics and it’s really annoying. #2 Been doing stuff in order to build blog material. #3 it’s summa-time!!! So here goes! So I just got back from Jamaica! 

Oh what an AMAZING TIME!

Most of you know I am from the Dominican Republic.  If you didn’t, you know now.  LOL. 

I love the Dominican Republic and contrary to when I was younger when I used to go every summer to the same two places – the Capital and el campo, in the last ten years, I’ve tried to expand my Dominican travel palate. 

I branched out and visited places like Samana, Macao, actually stayed in Boca Chica and Santiago.  And I love everything about DR, Well, almost everything. That’s another blog.

Jamaica was E V E R Y T H I N G!  I flew into Montego Bay and drove to Negril where I was staying. Reunited with that high school friend and went with probably one of the best, easiest and low maintenance travel partner ever!!!  (Check out my blog about traveling solo.)jamaican flag

The people were hospitable! Actually that’s an understatement !! Every single Jamaican I encountered on and off resort was really great. So friendly and well mannered. Not that I expected anything other right??

Because I mean I don’t know about you but when I’ve worked all year and use my hard earned money to go away I want- no, I DEMAND exceptional service. Hence one of my peeves with my peeps in DR. Again another blog.

It just seemed to come easily to the people in Jamaica. From the grounds workers, my favorite bartender Paulette who I made sure to see everyday, to the poor pasta station worker who worked in 200 degree weather making the most delicious pasta ever!!!. I mean they were just downright pleasant I’ve experienced on vacation.  I’m just saying.

I didn’t do much of anything but hang poolside or beach, at bar, and/or eat! I was not trying to hang glide, go horseback riding or jump off cliffs. And it was just perfect. I wanted to rest and relax under the hot Caribbean sun!

livingmybestlife
Hanging at the beach! Feeling myself.

Only time we ventured out was to Rick’s Cafe which until I got there didn’t realize was THE spot for spotting sunsets. And I was a part of the most significant sunset.  

sunset
the sunset at Rick’s Cafe.

Good times. Good times. I will definitely go back and visit some other places. Like actually stay in Montego Bay and eventually go visit Kingston! Negril was fantastic. The water was so clear and clean and calm.  

onthebeach
Everything is better at the beach!

Oh and the food was awesome. Omg. That Jamaican jerk chicken?!?? Gasp. Had it every day. Delish! One of the problems when I went to Belize was that I didn’t find the Belize had a broad Belizean palate. 

redstripe
May I have a Red Stripe, please?!?!

Most of what I ate was American food, except for the lobster that was literally picked out of ocean for me. 

Not Jamaica ! Jamaica’s jerk chicken, roasted chicken, seafood salad, rice, and white rum were yummmmm!

Jamaica is definitely one of those places I will visit again. Left me yearning to see more and mingle more with the locals.  

 

 

 

Look at my little gallery I posted for ya’ll! Look at that sunset, tho?!?!

So if you haven’t been – please add to your bucket list and make it a point. After all, mon, Jamaica is all about one love, Jamaican-me-crazy, and some good ole healthy ganja. If that’s you’re thing!!

One love my loves!  

♥LolaUncorked