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It is okay to be afraid and anxious…just don’t sit in those emotions for too long.

Hi my loves!

I hope you are all safe and healthy.  Been thinking about what I wanted to write about today. I kept telling myself I wanted to write about something light and funny in the midst of this new reality we are living.

Every time I got an idea and would start to type, my thoughts kept going back to COVID19. I finally gave up and stared at my computer screen. And sat and stared. And I literally heard a voice say, “Write about what you’re feeling because you are not alone.”

And, so I started typing.

Let me go back a bit. A few weeks ago, I was celebrating my birthday in Miami. This is about the time I started to pay a little attention to the news. In my defense, don’t have cable at home, so most of my news comes from social media, 1010 Wins, and friends.

Anyway, I remember in the airport, my best friend pulled out two surgical masks. I was like “Heck no, girl you crazy!!” And laughed as I joked around about how silly we would look. I even took a picture of us in the airplane but it was more of photo op for IG. I also have to say that I probably counted about five other travelers with masks, only one actually covering their face.

While in Miami, my girlfriend who is a nurse (God bless her soul) kept talking about the coronavirus in very serious tones. As serious as you can be while drinking right? Anyway, she kept saying that this virus scared her, that it was going to do a lot of damage.

She kept saying things like, “As of Monday, we will all be zombies.” I was like, “Ok Rick!” (Shout out to TWD fans!!!). But really, I didn’t even take her seriously because I just felt like the news kept saying this was just a different strain of the flu with no vaccine.

I was back at work on March 4 and suddenly I was being bombarded by news out of Italy and Europe and the numbers of cases and/or deaths. My ears perked up, but I can’t say I was worried yet. As is the norm for me, I was still celebrating my birthday (which is a month-long event). I was looking forward to Friday the 13th to meet up with friends at our local bar to continue the celebrations.

And this is where I think I started to feel a little rise of panic in my chest. That night, that Friday night, the bar which is typically crowded with diners, drinkers, and karaokers every week was eerily empty.

There were about 20 of us in there including the employees. Very few people were singing. I was kind of like oh, ok. What’s happening? That Sunday evening, we received the email that the school I worked in was closed until the end of the month. It felt so surreal, like what do you mean schools are closed. As I watched the news that Sunday more and more districts shut down. That was my first panic attack.

Since then I’ve been social distancing and isolated at home for 15 days with my 20 year old. Rough! Friday, I got laid off from my job and that was my second meltdown. I wanted to take a xany and sleep and wake up to find out this is all just a bad dream. As we all know it’s not.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve had three anxiety attacks, usually at night, when I start to pray for all the people I kept hearing about that are testing positive and/or very sick. Friends I was working with before the shutdown.

Initially I tried to not give into these episodes, I thought I was being ungrateful by having meltdowns and wanting to not deal with this considering I am still healthy and able to collect unemployment. But I found that when I resisted, the anxious feelings, the panic, the fear lingered. It immobilized me. It kept me on the couch, drinking wine, or napping. It kept me from wanting to pull myself together.

And then I thought, wait why can’t I just have my meltdown? Why can’t I give in to the panic and the anxiety? Why can’t I be scared at times? Why can’t I cry and scream? We are entitled to being scared, anxious, confused during these crazy times.

What we are not entitled to do is to sit in that fear or anxiety for too long. So, when I feel an attack, I cry, I get mad, I question why, why, why? And then it’s over I pray, and meditate and I give thanks for all that I have. If none of that works I medicate. And then I’m fine.

I started to think about things I could do to make my days more productive and keep those anxious feelings at bay. I had to be proactive. So, I created a schedule for myself to stay focused and productive. I make sure I exercise every day, whether it’s a short workout from IG or a walk if it’s nice out. I am meditating more. Eckhart Tolle https://eckharttolle.com/free-resources/ has a ton of free guided meditations on his page. I am also doing a 21 day meditation which I started late with Oprah and Deepak Chopra https://chopracentermeditation.com/experience.  I am journaling. I’ve been going through paperwork, drawers and closets. I am constantly cleaning and decluttering. I have magazines, books and Netflix.

Are there days that I just want to lay on the couch and do absolutely nothing? Yup! And guess what? I do it. And then I buckle back up. And get back to tackling my to do list.

It’s easy to get in a state of panic and stay there, but what good will that do? It’s easy to allow this new normal to become our permanent normal. But the reality is I am looking at this as an opportunity for transformation-physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

I am not saying I will not have any more panic attacks and that I won’t have moments of being really scared, but what I won’t allow myself is to live in that space too long. Because if we come out of this the same as we went into it, then shame on us for not taking advantage of this blessing and opportunity.

Thank you for stopping by!

LolaUncorked♥

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We have the power to create a positive life…

Hi, My Loves ∼

Happy Wednesday!

I’ve been wanting to jump on here to talk about a great conversation I had this weekend about positive energy and visualization and law of attraction and all those buzz words about creating a better life.

I read a lot of personal growth books and listen to so many podcasts.  Recently, I’ve been listening to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah dissect A New Earth chapter by chapter.  For those of you who are familiar with A New Earth, it’s exactly about that- creating a new spiritual earth through our thoughts and actions. But more importantly this idea of letting go of the ego and staying in the present.

Anyway, I was asked this weekend if I really believed in this idea of being positive and 300848-Once-You-Replace-Negative-Thoughts-With-Positive-Ones-You-ll-Start-Having-Positive-Resultscreating positive energy. and law of attraction.  And how all that works out for me in my life.

The first thing that I want to say and said this weekend is that any type of spiritual practice requires daily and intentional focus in order for it create change.  We are human beings and we are prone to falling off the wagon- often.  Many times we give up and we say that’s it, but really what we should be doing is resetting and hopping back on the wagon.

At the beginning of this year I made a commitment to keep getting back on the spiritual wagon no matter how many times I fell off or how long I stayed off.

And this is what I’ve noticed.

Typically the beginning of the year is always a hard time for me financially.  It’s after the holidays, a time I overspent.  Sometimes I am backed up in my bills so I am playing a lot of catch up until income tax time.  Then income tax refund comes and I can’t really enjoy the refund because I am still playing catch up.  I spend a lot of the new year stressed out and worried about money.

This year has been a very different experience.  I’ve been blessed and abundant in so many ways and I know it has a lot to do with staying positive and letting go of the things I can not control.

  1. Stress is useless.  Really.  Stress is created when we worry about the things we can NOT control. The past nor the future. Listen I am not saying you shouldn’t give a crap if your past due on bills or making ends meet.  Try this exercise the next time you open a bill that you are like “Shit, I can’t pay this.”
    • Sit looking at the bill.  You can’t pay it right? So then what?  Does stress help you pay it? Probably not.  Does money appear from anywhere the longer you look at it?  No.  If you go to bed crying, can you pay it? No.

   What if you shifted your focus from the bill to what you already have –  your                     health, your cute little grandson, a job, etc.?  How does that feel the moment you            start being grateful for what you have?  There should be a shift in your energy                  because now you are focused on what is, not what could have been or will be                    because at the end of the day we have no control over those things.

2. Second is that the only person that can control my mood is me.  How often have you heard someone say “Ugh, he just totally pissed me off.”  Why?  The reason you’re still pissed off over someone’s actions is because you can’t control it.  And the reality is who cares?  I mean, why do we give people so much power over our emotions?

Let it Go.
Let. It. Go.

One of my favorite quotes is “People do the best they can with what they know.”  When I have an interaction with someone that has the potential of putting me in a bad mood, I repeat that quote over and over again until it doesn’t even matter anymore.  Does this make sense?  I hope so.

3. Lastly, I am the only person that can set the tone for my day.  If I say  I am going to have a great day, I pretty much always do by just making that statement.  Really, it’s true.  Because once I make that statement I pretty subconsciously take steps to make it happen.  I dress nicer.  I might put on a bright lipstick.  I play happy music on the way to work.  I post positive quotes on my social media.  I greet people with a smile, kind word and make eye contact. I mean I could go and on.

So going a back to my conversation this weekend, yes I believe that we create our own positive energy and that we can attract it.  Our minds are so much more powerful than we think.

I believe that if we staying the present moment and focusing on what is right here right now, we change the shift in our attitudes and moods.  Take every opportunity you can to give thank, for every little thing good or bad in your life. Because it all matters and serves a purpose.

Most importantly, remember it’s not how many times you start or try, it’s that you keep on that counts. Inspirational-Quotes-About-Being-Positive-And-Being-Negative

So with that all said, I challenge you today and for the rest of the week to get up each day, regardless of how terrible things may seem (because that’s an illusion) and commit to having a great day and being positive and grateful.  Then come in a week and tell me how it went.

See you soon!

LolaUncorked♥

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Get out of your own way!

Hi My loves!  It has been so long since I’ve been on here. But I’m back to school and also transitioning to a new job, redecorating apartment.  Anywayssssss, I have been thinking a lot about this idea of self-sabotaging behavior.   sabotagequote

As much as I haven’t wanted to see it, even after years of therapy I have come to the conclusion that I am a professional self-sabotager – AND I need more therapy!!!! LOL. Someone call the doctor!!!

I hear my friends complain all the time (and I chime in) about a perfectly great job or relationship.  About Not making enough money, etc. But they complain almost with relish! This is how the online dictionary defines self-sabotage

Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastinationself-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

This is concise and to the point, however, we all know there are endless ways in which we self-sabotage.   We self-sabotage our relationships, our jobs, our diets, our future goals. Why???

I can come up with several reasons for each of these, but I am going to focus on relationships for now.  Way more fun! How many times have you heard people make some of the following statements when it comes to dating or relationships?-

  • I am meant to be alone.
  • I don’t mind ending up alone.
  • Who wants to put up with someone else’s bad habits.
  • I am too old for this shit.
  • I am just waiting for red flags.
  • I’ve already been married and divorced, who wants to go through that shit again.
  • There are no good men or women out there.

These are only a few of the comments I hear from my girlfriends and that I myself have let slip through these lips.

Self-sabotaging our relationships is how we protect ourselves and our hearts.  When my last relationship ended, I told myself I would NEVER get serious about anyone again. I would live with them, much less get married! I would never give someone that much power over my emotions.  NEVER!  selfsabotage3.png

I wrapped myself up quite tightly in my circle of friends, family, shopping, eating, drinking, the gym, and a part-time job.  I had no time TO date, let alone get serious.  This was exactly how I liked it. 

When I did date, I subconsciously or consciously (depends on the day) chose unavailable men who were in complicated situations.  This did two things for me.  It validated the idea that there are no good men or women out there. The minute I felt anyone getting close, or wanting more, I was like BOY BYE!

Why do we self-sabotage??? For many reasons.

We self-sabotage because we feel unworthy and undeserving of all wonderful things, whether it’s a great job, relationship or financial abundance.

If we feel unworthy how can we open ourselves up to believing that we are good enough to receive a great partner.  We believe if we let someone get too close, they will see all our glorious imperfections and run the other way.  And guess what?  They may.  But that only means he or she wasn’t the one.  That you weren’t compatible, not that you weren’t worthy.

We self sabotage because we are afraid of being dumped.  selfsabotage2

If there is one thing we can’t deal with is rejection.  We take someone’s rejection so personal.  Could it be possible that the other person just wasn’t ready for a relationship? Or that perhaps they just had their own stuff they were dealing with? 

When someone rejects us it doesn’t mean we are unlovable, it just means, they weren’t ready to love anyone and that perhaps they felt unworthy themselves.

We self sabotage because we like drama!! This is huge.

When we are not fulfilled with our lives, maybe a boring job, or no social life, we like to create drama. 

Sometimes we just want a little excitement or we want to push buttons to try to get assurance or confirmation that he or she is really into us.

Here’s a great scenario and I am sooooo guilty of this (I have to laugh..LOL)

Me: (I text him): Hey.

Him: 

Him:

(5 minutes later)

Me: You ok?

Him:

Me: (Fuck this shit! Then I proceed to type some of these or all of these depending on the level of self sabotaging I am going for) You know what? I am not into playing games.  If you want to play games go right ahead. But I am too old for that shit.  I need consistency. Go play with your little bimbos. Don’t ever text me again.

Him: I was at a funeral.

Me: (cricket, cricket, cricket)

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These memes, tho! LOL!

Now tell me who hasn’t done this ↑? More than once? Twice? Repeatedly? We are all guilty of this. 

Right away our brain goes into defensive mode. He’s probably with someone else.  Which means he’s not into me. Which means, I knew it. Which means, let me cut him off before he cuts me off. Sheesh!  I would dump me too after one of those scenarios.

We selfsabotage because in todays age of technology IT IS SO MUCH easier to do.  Cell phones and social media support and enhance our self sabotaging ways.  

We say and post things on social media and through texting that we probably would never say face to face.  It’s quick, it’s instant and it’s cowardly.

How do we stop this behavior? 

These are only suggestions understanding that these are practices that with repeated implementation will be become habits!

  • Love and accept yourself.  Just as you are. With all your flaws and imperfections love yourself, because if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else?
  • Remind yourself every day that you are worthy and that it‘s okay to mess up.  We all do we just have to recognize the mistake and do better next time. Grow from the mistake.
  • Know that there is enough of everything to go around.  Enough good men and women who want loving healthy relationships, enough money to give us financial security, enough great jobs so we can find THE ONE! lifetip
  • And finally, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, give yourself a 10 minute time out before you react or say things that you will probably regret.  I find that after 10 minutes I am no longer upset about whatever assumptions I made up in my head about why someone is not returning my text. Put the phone away and take a nap or read a magazine, or even my blog. LOL.  Then go back and construct a kinder softer message, kind of like, “Hey not sure where you are, but I hope all is good.  Text me when you can.”

Listen, in theory this all sounds so easy.  It may strike a nerve for some and for others give rise to a chuckle, but the reality is that we all deserve to be in a loving, healthy relationship if that’s what we really desire.  And when one falls apart, it means nothing more than, it wasn’t time.  Your time will come.  Our time will come.

Thanks for stopping by my loves!  Happy Friday!

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♥LolaUncorked