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Go with the ebbs and flows….

Hi, My Loves∼

Wow!  We are in December!!!  What the beejuz!!!  Why is time whizzing by so fast??  I mean why is that? July went by so nice and smooth and well paced. Then bam! I was . half way through August.  And here I am nearing the end of 2019!  Crazy.

So today we are talking relationships and boy what a convoluted yet can be simple topic, right??? Anyway, a while ago I asked some people to complete a survey for me because I had some relationship “stuff” percolating.  As you guys know I have no problem coming on here and putting it out there.

Not many of you responded to the anonymous survey, guess ya was too skeeerrddd (LOL) to put your stuff out there, but I had at least 10 of you respond in a very honest and open way.

I asked questions like:

  1. How long have you been with your partner?”
  2. How often do you have sex?
  3. Who initiates mostly?
  4. On a scale of 1-10 what’s the level of passion in the relationship?
  5. What are your thoughts on open relationships?

And here’s what I concluded from my very small sample.   And yea, I don’t care if it was a small sample, but I’ve had enough conversations with many others that gave me ideas. So let’s get to it! relationship5.jpg

I’ve been divorced for a hot minute and have had two serious relationships in the last 10 years.

As I’ve gotten older dating has become increasingly difficult because as we age we get very set in our ways.  If you spend enough time alone, that becomes the “normal.”

It seems that as much as we want “balance” in a relationship. It’s difficult to come by.  It’s either all or nothing.  It’s either they are all in or playing games.  There is always someone in the relationship who wants more, needs more, loves more.  And as much as some of you may think that’s a bad thing.  I think if you can come to some sort of agreement things can turn out better than you imagine, but you have to be wiling and open to renegotiating the relationship.  You can’t expect that your relationship will maintain the level of intensity it had throughout years and years.  relationship3.jpg

I told someone “take your relationships as learning experience” and they were offended.  They took it as meaning that they were an experiment or guinea pig and nothing else good came of it but a learning experience.  Weird.  Like why?  If we don’t learn from our relationships how are we supposed to learn about ourselves, how we interact, grow and do better next time around?

At the end of the day, people differently in relationships.  Relationships ebb and flows.

Yet our society bombards us with this idea that relationships always have to be on this all time “HIGH” – ALL THE TIME. And quite frankly the mere thought of that exhausts me.

Some people believe that if the level of intensity experienced at the beginning of a relationship doesn’t maintain then it means there is something wrong in the relationship. relationship6.jpg

In my most recent relationship this was an issue.  I am not an overly affectionate person.  I never have been.  Even with my own kids, it’s just not part of my DNA- to be touchy feely and hoochi coochie.  But it doesn’t mean my love is any less.  It just means I express it differently.

It just means that as I progress through a relationship, I go through different stages.  Sometimes I am all time high, sometimes I am sucked into real life  – work, bills, stress, self questioning, insecurity.  Sometimes I want to be babied and coddled.  Other times I want complete solitude to regroup and come back stronger.

But always learning and growing.  So here are some things I have learned:

  1. People express love differently
  2. For some people love is expressed through affection and words of affirmations. For others love expressed through acts of labor – taking out garbage, fixing things at home. For others its expressed through touch and sex. Everyone’s expression of love is different and it’s ok.
  3. Any relationship is a bonus to a person’s self growth and discovery
  4. And finally sex is not always going to be amazing, out of this world, star spangled banner, fireworks invoking kind of sex.  If your having that type of sex all the time, every time, like 4-5 times a week, then you must be an escort, you’re cheating or faking it.  Sorry not sorry.  I am just saying.

It is what it is.

Your goal should be that you are willing to have conversations about needs and find middle ground.  Being aware and in tuned to your partners wants and needs.  Finding balance so that neither feels they are putting in more than the other.  Sometimes all this works and you have a great streak and flow.  ebbsandflows

And other times you fall into a rut.  You get stuck.  You become stagnant.  Try not to live in that space too long.  Do something fun and exciting with your partner.  Dress up. Dress down. Go on a date night.  Stay in. Whatever it takes to get things moving. Relationships take WORK and EFFORT.

At least if you think its worth it anyway.

Thanks for stopping by lovies!

 

Don’t forget to like, comment, follow and share!

♥LolaUncorked

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What an a-Maine-zing trip should look like….

Hi My Loves∼

Back from my road trip to Maine and let me tell you I am exhausted! To say the least.  I have never laughed so hard (IN MY LIFE) as I did on this road trip.

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On the road

Now remember I am the person who told you to go travel solo because of the spiritual experience that could be.  (Check out my blog post on that).  But on the flip side,  if you get the right mix of travelers, a trip with friends can be just as rewarding and quite therapeutic.

Just imagine five of us in a Land Rover on the road behaving like we were teenagers.  What a blast!!  Even some road trip karaoke went down.

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Our AirBnB

 

Our Airbnb was cute, charming and quaint.   Carolyn, our host greeted us, gave us a quick tour, and stocked our fridge with some local beer and wine.

She also gave us a very clear warning to not make a right out of the Airbnb when exploring (there is a homeless shelter surrounded by addicts and beggars). Clearly she didn’t know we are from P-town!

First thing we did the next morning – Make a Right!  Thanks to our tour guide Carol. LOL.

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The beginning of the end…. LOL (L to R – Anita, Me, Mio, Carol… my besties minus one)

 

We spent most of Saturday exploring downtown or Old Port.  Our first stop though was a neighborhood bar called “Fore Play”.  Yes! “Fore Play”.  Here we met an amazing bartender named…. I can’t remember….and some locals who embraced us and $1 jello shots…the beginning of the end.

With a little buzz we headed for a walk, laughing, talking over each other, and fighting about where to eat.

I am not going to go into all the gory details but I will list the spots we visited which were a hit for us.

  1. Fore Play Sports Bar – $1 jello shots.
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    Calling for help after one too many jello shots at Fore Play!
  2. High Roller Lobster Company – this place had a Johnny Rockets feel, good grub and an extensive selection of beer. Yum! www.highrollerlobster.com. We had some drinks and snacks here because we were really craving a good ole burger.
  3. We headed over to Black Cow Burgers and Fries www.blackcowburgers.com  right down the street. The food in this place was amazing.  I can’t say enough.  And the ambiance was pretty awesome too.  I didn’t say this, but we got really really lucky with the weather as prior to this Anita, our weather woman, kept predicting really cold temperatures and rain.  However look at these pics, nothing but sun for our girl’s trip!
  4. And finally I had my lobster at Jay’s Oyster www.ysoysterportland.com. 
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    Nom. Nom.
  5. volunteered to drive (someone else’s car…LOL) and I wanted lobster from Maine.  Let me tell you the lobster has to be by far the best I’ve had (even better than the one I had in Playa del Carmen some time ago). Yes! and the lobster bisque soup I heard was also pretty tasty.  Everything was delicious.

Now I have a confession for you: By the time we got to Jay’s, we were all pretty lit after all our day drinking so dinner was just a riot.  Seriously.  I have a video of it all, but unfortunately was experiencing technical difficulties uploading.  Sorry.

As our night rounded out we walked to a bar/lounge- but I was pretty done and three of us headed back to our apartment while the other two lit up the town.

Sunday consisted of sleeping in, packing and getting ready to hit the road.  And then we realized it was CINCO DE MAYO!!!!  I think you can see how that went.

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Love me a cobble stone street.

Anyway, why travel in a pack?  I’ve known most of these women for over 20 years, so we could say they are the longest running friendships I have. Clearly we share a lot in common, but we are all so different.  

Jennie is the comedian, like Jim Carey in The Mask funny face comedian.  Anita is a sports mom with 10 bebe’s kids, jk, but comedian too and drives like a maniac!

Carol is in a period rediscovering herself and we are watching as she evolves into this better version of herself.

Mio we found out is a damn cry baby!  This is the chick who is so unbothered by anything and everything I always say she would never die of a heart attack.

And then there’s me, I mean, sensitive, emotional, non-confrontational, upside-twerking-against-a-wall because it’s the only way I know how to do it.

The five of us together = never a dull moment!

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The best friends a girl could ask for!

I know what I learned from this trip is that I love and respect these women and what each of them bring to the table.  I love how each love me unconditionally without judgement.  I love how much we can laugh together and I love how easily I can cry in front of them.  I love our journey as we have become comfortable in our own skin.

I foresee many more road trips ahead.  Many more good times, many more laughs and many more cries and many more adventures.  I wish you all a friendship like this.

Next road trip—————–> Stay tuned!

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See you on the road.

Thank you for stopping by!

LolaUncorked ♥