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Living intentionally in this new year, new decade…

Hey Loves!  Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!!!  I have to tell you that I am glad the holidays are over!  ABSOLUTELY exhausted.  Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time off.  Spent with family and friends.  Ate too much! Drank too much! Slept not enough. LOL. But blessed to have the time to share with my loved ones.

Now that I slowed down a bit, I wanted to come on here and address the “new year, new me” syndrome. Because that’s all we are going to see on social media until about mid February when everyone falls off the wagon.

But seriously what exactly is wrong with the “old” you.  I mean are you that bad?!?! Are WE that bad? And what compels us to make all these ridiculous resolutions in the new year. Resolutions that aren’t going to stick because they are just unrealistic and overwhelming.

I didn’t make resolutions this year, because I really want to think intentionally about what I’d like to accomplish.  I am pondering some bigger picture sort of stuff.  Not the usual lose 10 pounds, workout everyday twice a day, give up liquor, sugar AND carbs kind of resolutions, journal and meditate every day, get up at 5! I mean I am exhausted just thinking about it.

They are just silly and resolutions like those set us up for IMMEDIATE failure.  And so I’ve been taking my time to really think about attainable goals or intentions (as I like to  call them) that have meaning and that will have a positive impact on the three areas of my life : health, spirituality and finances!  Not because there is anything wrong with the old me but because there is always room for improvement, right?

I’ve also been thinking about the reasons why we fail at goals and why intentions are more impactful and the ways  we can stay committed, maintain and sustain our work.

I found this explanation of the difference between goals and intentions:

Goals are focused on the future. Intentions are in the present moment. Goals are a destination or specific achievement. Intentions are lived each day, independent of achieving the goal or destination. Author Unknown /Google

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Isn’t that great!?!  This is why so many of us give up on long term goals.  The minute we fail at it or fall off the wagon, we give up completely.  For example, if my goal is to lose 10 pounds by going to gym and eating healthy, the minute I miss a day or two at gym for whatever reason, what happens?  Ya’ll know.   We use it to beat ourselves up and come up with a bunch of excuses as to the point?  We give up.  I know I do.  Then I may tell myself forget the healthy eating because what’s the point I am not working out. And just like that goals go “poof”!!!

Intentions are different.  Intentions or living intentionally focuses our vision and our thoughts towards an action.  When we set intentions the self talk is different.  The self talk could sound more like:  powerofintention

“Today I intend to do one thing towards being healthy – take a walk at lunchtime. (For example).  If for some reason I miss my walk at lunch time, I could say to myself, “Ok I missed lunch but today when I go the supermarket, I intend to park as far away as possible from entrance.”

Or here is another one: “Today I intend to smile at everyone I meet.” It could be that as I walk into the building, the guy who cut me has left a scowl on my face and I barely say good morning.  Then someone will smile at me, I smile back and remember my intention.  I still have bunch of people I can smile at, maybe someone who really needed it that day.  It doesn’t feel as “ugh” as failing at my goal and completely giving up.  Tomorrow I can wake and set intentions all over again.

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The more you do something, the more innate it becomes therefore becoming a habit. The more intentions you meet or fulfill the more thought you put into reflecting what it is you want to see flourish within you that is going to get you a step closer to your overall goal. We know it takes 21-28 days to create habits. And intentions can change and still guide you to where you want to go.

So with all that in mind I am reflecting on this past year and of where I’d like to see myself grow in this new year and then setting daily intentions to create those life long habits that will hep me reach those goals.

Here are some quick ways to get those intentions into your day:

  1. I keep a dry erase board next to my calendar that I see each morning on the way to bathroom.  I jot down three quick intentions for my morning. Smile at everyone I meet, give a compliment.  Drink two bottled waters before I leave home.
  2. At work I jot down some intentions on post its (am and pm).
  3. I also use my desk calendar to jot intentions.
  4. As I drive home I think of some intentions for my evening (share a meal with my daughter, work out for 30 minutes (wherever that my be), meditate before bed.

As you kick off this new year and new decade, sit in silence and really think about how you want to grow yourself. Always remembering that there is nothing wrong or broken with the “old” you but that there is always room for better.

I really wish you all a healthy, abundant and intentional new year!

Happy New Year!

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LolaUncorked♥

 

 

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A Letter To All Cheaters

Hi My Loves! Happy Fall Equinox or whatever!  It has been some time since I’ve been here but I was just really trying to enjoy the last days of summer.  Already missing summer even though it seems that Mother Nature is loving me and giving me a little bit more.

The end of my #summerbabe summer 2019

So I’ve been thinking about cheating.  Those who cheat and those who are cheated on.  And I am not talking about a school exam.  Relationships folks! Relationships!

Disclaimer: Don’t automatically assume this is a male bashing session.  It’s not.  We all know men are not the only ones who cheat, even though it seems they are the ones who get caught the most often (dumbasses) and so therefore it seems they are the ones who cheat the most, but who knows.  I’d have to gather some data on that one.  At the end of the day we are all capable of cheating.

I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum- cheater (not my proudest moment) and cheatee (I made this word up and for the purposes of this blog the cheatee is the person being cheated on.) And I guess the person who you cheated with we will just call…. the home wrecker? IDK).  Anyway, after a most recent experience coupled with my journaling, self-reflecting and conversations with others I have really been mentally trying to dissect and process cheating and its effects on those involved.

And so you guys remember my Letter To My Younger Self? Well I’ve decided to write a letter to cheaters everywhere in the hopes that they can receive some clarity on the damage that is left behind when the cheating dust settles.  Here goes:

Dear Cheater,

I am not sure what you were thinking of the moment you made the conscious decision to cheat.  And yes it was a conscious decision.  Most cheaters will in their apology say things like “I’m sorry I made a mistake.” The reality is that cheating is cheatingNOT a mistake.  It is a conscious decision.  There are those 2.5 seconds right before you cross that line when you could have said “No!!!”  Like “Say no to drugs” well “Say no to pussy!” Especially the one that isn’t yours.

I have been trying to understand why you decided to step out on your relationship in this way.  I mean I know people cheat for a slew of reasons: stress at home or work, boredom, not enough sex, lack of spontaneity or just a basic disconnect in the relationship because nobody is addressing it.  And of course I also know Dear Cheater that you just may be one of those people who likes to cheat. And that’s a whole other blog.

An affair feels exciting, stimulating, stirring,  breathtaking!!! It boosts peoples’ self esteem and strokes the ego.   Being with someone new, someone you’re not fighting with, or dealing with the kids with, or paying bills with or just dealing with plain old life issues with is so much better than the reality of adulting.

I know an affair makes people feel young, and beautiful and sexy and in your quest to charm and entice you dress up, wear cologne/perfume, send sexy messages, you court.  It’s fucking exhilarating!!! Shit. I know. (BTW but did it ever occur to you to try that with your significant other BEFORE resorting to cheating??! Just a thought)

But Dear Cheater, let me tell you all the other things it can be and usually becomes and let me give you a little insight into what it does to the cheatee.

When an affair comes to light the ugly in people emerges.  The crazy too! Drama follows.  People’s business is put out there. Threats and humiliation. Not so pretty anymore huh? Tears and fights, lengthy texts or calls spewing every hateful word that comes to mind because as humans thats what we do when we are hurt.  We want to hurt others back.  In the case of an affair nobody is spared, not you,  not the cheatee and not the home wrecker because as much as I hate to say it they feel the effects too.

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Dr. Robert Huizenga

The moment the  cheatee suspects or discovers the infidelity, this tiny seed is planted in their gut.  This seed of so many emotions.  Too many to list. The first is embarrassment and/or shame.  Yeah! Can you believe that shit?  You cheated but the cheatee feels the shame and just thinks of things like “What am I going to say to people when they ask for him or her? “What did I do wrong?”

There is also lots of anger in this initial phase. Like the cheatee will threaten everything from burning the cheaters clothes, slashing tires, physically hurting them.  (THIS IS JUST A BLOG I WOULD NOT TRY ANY OF THIS AT HOME!)

The second emotion is disbelief.  Like “WOW!” No way.  There has to be a mistake! He or she would NEVER do that!   The cheatee will spend days and nights replaying every single exchange in the relationship to figure out when, how, why?  Why becomes the single most important question. They try to look for clues or signs to see if they missed something.  This will keep them from eating, sleeping, and/or wanting to be around others.

Then comes the obsessive stage or investigative as I’d rather call it.  LOL !!! And I don’t care if your male or female all cheatees do this to some extent.  The cheatee will NOT stop until they know EVERYTHING.  Now quick insert- women are way better at this then men!  Just saying. When a woman sets her mind to find some shit out, you’d best believe she will!  In this phase they hurt so bad that you will surely not see any signs – like tears. It’s a weird thing.  I am thinking this is where the cheatee starts to process that yes it really did happen and the life they thought they were living or the future they envisioned …. wasn’t going to happen.

Soon after the hurt settles.  An ache.  More questioning.   This is probably around the time that the cheatee will find themselves crying out of nowhere.  They may be retelling the story and it evokes such strong emotions they may cry at any instant.  They will think about the intertwined friendships and families, the “place” that became yours and now what?  Maybe kids if they were involved too and having to explain to the kids that the “cheater” is no longer a part of the family – delicately of course because it’s not their fault.  This is the hardest and longest stage to process and grow through in case you didn’t know. cheating3.jpg

Eventually, the cheatee will maybe get over it, surpress it all and get on with their life and you the cheater will become a distant memory.  (Once in while and in very rare occasions a cheater and cheatee will work through things and after many, many years of rebuilding and work they may come out stronger.  May being the key word!!!

So Dear Cheater, the next time you are in a relationship in which you have made a commitment to be truthful, transparent, and loyal and you find yourself at a point of making that 2.5 split decision of cheating or not, remember the damage you are leaving behind lasts for far longer and run far deeper that those 2.5 seconds.

And in the end was it really worth it?

Love,

Cheatee

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Thank you for stopping by and reading.  If you’ve been cheated on it’s not your fault.  It was their shit and not yours. And if you have cheated, learn and grow, be better, be truthful, be transparent.

Remember to like, comment, share and sign up for notifications.

LolaUncorked♥

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This is 40….Something…

Hi my Loves!  You know how I do!!! I don’t post for a few weeks and then I bombard you with posts.

This past week I had the pleasure of collaborating with the young, handsome and up and rising, YouTuber – bello_kevy! Finally!  Please go subscribe and follow.  Plug Plug!

Anyway, I was doubtful if it would turn out good.  Shame on me because all his other videos are A-mazing!  Anyway, we decided last minute to head over to Martell’s Tiki Bar and do a little video blogging about life in my 40s.  His mom, my BFF, joined us!  I’ll make sure to add link below so you guys can go check it out.

40 is what you make it !

I have to say that Kevin had some great questions and I sense a follow up video because there are so many things we can talk about as far as life in our 40s.  He wanted to call it “This is 40!” Considering I will be exiting this decade soon, I suggested “This is 40-something!” but you know kids. LOL.

Anyway regardless, he asked some insightful questions which is inspiring to me as an adult to hear this from a young man in his 20s.  We talked about what 40 means to us, aging (gracefully), the downsides of life changes, and how we party in our 40s. Oh! we also highlight my new boobs! LOL. Thanks Kevin for the boob plug.

Go subscribe to Bello_kevy YouTube channel! NOW!

So I felt I wanted to come and blog about this and add some lessons I’ve learned in my 40s with you all and hopefully you guys will share with me too.  I think in every decade we learn stuff.  Sometimes we repeat the same mistakes, but my hope is that as we age, we learn and grow and spread our emotional, spiritual wings.

So what has 40 meant to me?

Here goes. Me and my lists.

  1. 40 to me means that I have finally settled into myself and my own skin.  I feel like the dust has settled — in my professional life, personal life and spiritual life.What did I learn in my 40s?
  2. 40 has meant becoming freer and liberated from all the bullshit society says I should be doing and being.
  3. 40 has meant that it really is just a number.  I have felt just a young spirited and energetic as I did in my 20s and 30s.  Hangovers suck at 40.  Takes longer to recuperate but overall, I kind of feel the same.
  4. 40 has meant finding my voice.  Not the young aggressive angry voice of my 20s and 30s, but a calmer, more confident voice.  I learned how to express myself without being angry, and learned that you get so much more with honey.  Finally.  Of course, not all the time.  Every now and then the only voice that works is the bitch voice! So I keep her on reserve.
  5. 40 has meant not giving up on myself.  Being more forgiving of myself.  More loving.  Kinder to me.

And what did I learn? In my 40s, I have learned…

  • to accept that I am not ONE thing.  I am not just a mother, or daughter, or teacher. I am not just a woman or Latina.  None of these define me on their own, but rather all the roles I play make up who I am as a person.  I’ve also realized that I am always evolving.  Who I am today is not who I will be next month or next year, or even tomorrow.  And that’s ok.
  • not to settle in any area of my life, especially relationships.  I deserve the best from people, just as I have learned to wake up everyday with the intention of giving my best.  Yes, sometimes I fall of the wagon, because we are not perfect, but I get right back up and try again.
  • I am not perfect, but I can make daily intentions to strive to be better.
  • Broken hearts heal and you come out stronger.  I have never felt such pain like the pain I felt in this decade after having my heart broken by the one person I never thought would deceive me.  It hurt like hell.  And I remember thinking I would never be good again, whole again, confident again.  Guess what? I’m good.  Time heals E V E R Y T H I N G! Family and friends help too!
  • Forgive others.  Hanging on to anger and hate is so draining and damaging only to yourself.  So forgive and let go and move on.

My 40s have been good to me!  Through it all, trials and tribulations, financial woes, breakups, illnesses, I can’t complain.

40/40 Club

I still have half a year to go in my 40s, so I am sure there will be more lessons to be learned before I exit this decade.

But I have to tell you, if any of you are approaching 40 and/or sad about aging, don’t be.  I honestly believe that life only gets better!!!  I am so looking forward to what 50 brings!!!

Like promised here is my first video collaboration with YouTuber bello_kevy! Make sure to go show him some love too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VjXx-f-vSY&t=0s

Thanks for stopping by loves!

♥LolaUncorked❤️