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50 Things I Want To Do In My 50s

old-ageHi, Loves!

So as you all know I am turning 50 in about a week.  That’s a big one. It actually seems surreal.

You know how people often say, “Oh you don’t look like you’re 30, 40 or 50!” Like what exactly does any age look like? I am not sure what 50 should look or feel like.  I guess it feels exactly how I feel right now.

And I feel pretty awesome.  In a great place.  I love my job.  I have an amazing family.  A nice circle of friends.  I have health most importantly, but I feel like, and maybe some of you guy feel same- I feel like there are so many things I haven’t done. So I have compiled a list of things I want to do this year, experiences I want to have, places I want to go.

I’ve been really thinking about things I’ve always wanted to do and have not done yet. So in commemoration of my blogs one year anniversary – here is my list of  50 things I want to do in my 50s. (And these are not in any particular order of importance.)

  1. Do more yoga. Like aside from the physical I would like to know yoga with my yogaspirit.
  2. Go to Maine and eat lobster.
  3. Move to a nicer, bigger place. Maybe even become a homeowner.
  4. Skydive, though I don’t know if I’ll actually do it.
  5. Go to Europe, I’ve never been.
  6. Blog more.  At least once a week. Really grow my blog and hopefully do some influencing.
  7. Write. Start writing that book. About what? I’m not sure yet.
  8. Probably take some writing lessons in order to write that book.
  9. Run a marathon.
  10. Sell at least 5 homes this year.
  11. Go visit Graceland. I am a huge Elvis fan.
  12. Become debt free.
  13. Go on a family vacation with my girls and grandkids – something as simple as the shore.
  14. Volunteer more.
  15. Take a road trip cross country.
  16. Meditate more.
  17. Create a meditating space at home.
  18. Find a Buddhist temple near me and engage in some learning.
  19. Read more books- hard copies!
  20. Spend more time with my mom. Create some kind of a tradition/ritual with her.
  21. Journal EVERYDAY.
  22. Write a letter to Oprah. Don’t ask. Hopefully get a response.
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    Self-care is most important in my 50s.
  23. More self-care things like monthly massages and/or facials.
  24. Grow my hair and possibly let it gray naturally.
  25. Declutter. Really live minimally.
  26. See my dad more often.
  27. Learn some basic photography.
  28. Start a Vlog
  29. Send birthday cards to people instead of a social media post.
  30. Work out at least 5 times a week
  31. Move away from Facebook.
  32. Speak more Spanish to my grandbabies.
  33. Maybe learn another language – I love Portuguese, BUT I know some Italian, sooo maybe.
  34. Apply to be on a game show – I’ve done this several times (never made it) – the freaking application for Wheel of Fortune is insane.
  35. Play in the rain/mud.
  36. Spend more time down the shore
  37. Live a healthier lifestyle overall
  38. Learn how to swim finally!
  39. Quit drinking alcohol.
  40. Go parasailing.
  41. Take tango lessons.
  42. Create a daily practice of journaling, meditating, exercising, and eating healthy.
  43. Be kinder to people – smile more (guilty of RBF). LOL!
  44. Build my family tree (I did my DNA and it was sooo interesting).
  45. Go ziplining again – IT was amazing.
  46. Visit an ashram.
  47. Visit more bookstores.
  48. Celebrate NYE on an island somewhere.

Isn’t this list amazing?  Now listen, clearly I can’t do all of this in ONE year, but you best believe I am starting.

I will reflect on this list throughout this year and make sure I am making moves to check off these 50 items off my bucket list in my 50s.

What’s on your list of things to do?  You don’t have to wait until your 30, 40 or 50 to start your list and to start checking off those things that stir your soul.

Life is so short and in my almost 50 years, I’ve seen how quickly a life is snuffed out whether to disease or accident.  I have been blessed thus far and I’ve done a lot, but there is more I want to do and plan to do!

Someone I knew once said, “Don’t wait for another day or another hour or another time.  Go and Do It. Now” – Kyrzayda –

So just watch me guys!  Here’s to 50!

Happy birthday to me!

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Cheers to me!

Thanks for stopping by and reading.  Make sure to like, comment, share and follow!

LolaUncorked♥

 

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Be Careful What You Wish For

Oh boy, sometimes you really do have to be careful what you wish for. It’s like people who want to be in a relationship and then get it and then it’s like ugh!? But why?

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Or you want a baby and then you get one and it’s like “WTF was I thinking? This is a lot of work”.

Or a “dream” job that turns out to be a complete nightmare because of an asshole boss.
Listen, I am not saying you shouldn’t wish or desire things, just be careful and be sure that YOU really want what you’re wishing for.  Make sure it isn’t for stupid reasons like all your friends are in relationships, or everyone is having a baby, or look at that influencer’s life seems great and easy, when in reality that’s just social media.  You get my point right?

Anyway, a friend of a friend of a friend shared a story about a couple. I’m going to change names (actually this happened so long ago, I really don’t remember the participants’ names, so I’ll make them up). Her name is Maria and his name is John. Simple.

DISCLAIMER: This is a friend of a friend of a friend, and I heard this story last summer and jotted it down as a possible blog but other blogs came before. With that said, some of it may be embellished or made up from memory but you guys will get it. The story itself is not the point though.

Anyway, John and Maria have been married for a while, have kids, go to work, have friends and family, vacations, etc.

Maria was feeling a little bored with the relationship.  You know the usual humdrum that happens when the passion fades and people have to grow up and adult as a couple. Handle a home, bills, work, etc.

Maria broached the conversation with John a few times. They tried to figure out different ways to spice things up. She was sure John must be suffering the same ailment. From what I gathered I don’t think he was at this point, but her proposition must have sparked something in him.

She proposed that they try a sort of open relationship, they could both see/sleep with others, the only rule being they didn’t let it intrude in their home and family life. So don’t be seen out in public with the other person, set boundaries for communicating, use protection.

Well, John was completely offended and taken off guard and was like “ABSOLUTELY, NO WAY, NO HOW!” They had a couple more conversations trying to negotiate, but John was not for it.

Instead what John did some time later was that he took it upon himself and embarked on an affair and he got caught. And she was NOT happy about it. At all! Threatened separation, divorce, etc.

Now, now!! You all are thinking well she wanted them to see others, right? At least it’s what ran through my mind. Why is she so upset? I also wondered why did he go and cheat when the when the idea of an open relationship was so off the table for him?

Well, I have my thoughts. Selfishness and ego. Men are selfish creatures. Men also have HUGE egos. I am thinking that when Maria approached him with the idea of an open relationship, his initial thoughts went something like:

“Why? Am I not enough?”
“What’s wrong with me” “Why do you need another man?”
“Am I not good enough in bed?

(And I could be wrong, as I am not a man-so men correct me please.)

Anyway, Maria was so offended, mortified, hurt, broken. She demanded that they go to therapy to rebuild the trust and relationship.

Wait, wait, wait, but wasn’t it Maria who approached John with the idea initially? Why was she now so indignant and repulsed by what John did when this was what she wanted?

Just playing devil’s advocate here.devil

As a woman, I completely KNOW why she was so upset.

He didn’t agree to it initially. He was adamant about not wanting to share. His love for her was so great, according to him, that he was afraid an open relationship would open them up to issues of mistrust.

But then he went and cheated.

What are your thoughts? Is Maria right in her reaction? What about John? Why do you guys think he cheated when he was so against the idea of an open relationship?

How about this question: Is monogamy sensible? Reasonable? Attainable? Well we know it’s attainable but can anyone be monogamous for years and years and years and still feel passion and excitement for their partner?

I have many thoughts about monogamy we can talk about in another post, but I will say this like most things in life relationships take work, daily, consistent, present work. And couples need to understand that needs change, during your 20s, your 30s and so on.

To believe that what satisfied you in your 20s, could satisfy you in your 30s or 40s is simple minded. Now is this to say you should cheat? That is not what I am saying.

I think every relationship is unique and different and can only be negotiated and or navigated by the people involved. With that said couples at the very least need to engage in conversations about their needs and wants and expectations on a consistent basis.

Can we maybe step back and think what might have happened instead, had John been willing and open to renegotiate the marriage? Maybe not an open relationship but perhaps giving Maria an alternative. Rather than shutting down to the idea completely and shutting down the conversation.

I don’t know what happened to John and Maria, but what happened got me thinking. It got me thinking about relationships, how to sustain them, and stay in passion. healthy relationship

But all that aside, be careful what you wish for, because the very thing you want can be the thing that bites you in the butt!

Thanks for stopping by!

LolaUncorked♥

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Get out of your own way!

Hi loves!  It has been so long since I’ve been on here. But I’m back to school and also transitioning to a new job, redecorating apartment.  Anywayssssss, I have been thinking a lot about this idea of self-sabotaging behavior.   sabotagequote

As much as I haven’t wanted to see it, even after years of therapy I have come to the conclusion that I am a professional self-sabotager – AND I need more therapy!!!! LOL. Someone call the doctor!!!

I hear my friends complain all the time (and I chime in) about a perfectly great job or relationship.  About Not making enough money, etc. But they complain almost with relish! This is how the online dictionary defines self-sabotage

Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastinationself-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

This is concise and to the point, however, we all know there are endless ways in which we self-sabotage.   We self-sabotage our relationships, our jobs, our diets, our future goals. Why???

I can come up with several reasons for each of these, but I am going to focus on relationships for now.  Way more fun! How many times have you heard people make some of the following statements when it comes to dating or relationships?-

  • I am meant to be alone.
  • I don’t mind ending up alone.
  • Who wants to put up with someone else’s bad habits.
  • I am too old for this shit.
  • I am just waiting for red flags.
  • I’ve already been married and divorced, who wants to go through that shit again.
  • There are no good men or women out there.

These are only a few of the comments I hear from my girlfriends and that I myself have let slip through these lips.

Self-sabotaging our relationships is how we protect ourselves and our hearts.  When my last relationship ended, I told myself I would NEVER get serious about anyone again. I would live with them, much less get married! I would never give someone that much power over my emotions.  NEVER!  selfsabotage3.png

I wrapped myself up quite tightly in my circle of friends, family, shopping, eating, drinking, the gym, and a part-time job.  I had no time TO date, let alone get serious.  This was exactly how I liked it. 

When I did date, I subconsciously or consciously (depends on the day) chose unavailable men who were in complicated situations.  This did two things for me.  It validated the idea that there are no good men or women out there. The minute I felt anyone getting close, or wanting more, I was like BOY BYE!

Why do we self-sabotage??? For many reasons.

We self-sabotage because we feel unworthy and undeserving of all wonderful things, whether it’s a great job, relationship or financial abundance.

If we feel unworthy how can we open ourselves up to believing that we are good enough to receive a great partner.  We believe if we let someone get too close, they will see all our glorious imperfections and run the other way.  And guess what?  They may.  But that only means he or she wasn’t the one.  That you weren’t compatible, not that you weren’t worthy.

We self sabotage because we are afraid of being dumped.  selfsabotage2

If there is one thing we can’t deal with is rejection.  We take someone’s rejection so personal.  Could it be possible that the other person just wasn’t ready for a relationship? Or that perhaps they just had their own stuff they were dealing with? 

When someone rejects us it doesn’t mean we are unlovable, it just means, they weren’t ready to love anyone and that perhaps they felt unworthy themselves.

We self sabotage because we like drama!! This is huge.

When we are not fulfilled with our lives, maybe a boring job, or no social life, we like to create drama. 

Sometimes we just want a little excitement or we want to push buttons to try to get assurance or confirmation that he or she is really into us.

Here’s a great scenario and I am sooooo guilty of this (I have to laugh..LOL)

Me: (I text him): Hey.

Him: 

Him:

(5 minutes later)

Me: You ok?

Him:

Me: (Fuck this shit! Then I proceed to type some of these or all of these depending on the level of self sabotaging I am going for) You know what? I am not into playing games.  If you want to play games go right ahead. But I am too old for that shit.  I need consistency. Go play with your little bimbos. Don’t ever text me again.

Him: I was at a funeral.

Me: (cricket, cricket, cricket)

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These memes, tho! LOL!

Now tell me who hasn’t done this ↑? More than once? Twice? Repeatedly? We are all guilty of this. 

Right away our brain goes into defensive mode. He’s probably with someone else.  Which means he’s not into me. Which means, I knew it. Which means, let me cut him off before he cuts me off. Sheesh!  I would dump me too after one of those scenarios.

We selfsabotage because in todays age of technology IT IS SO MUCH easier to do.  Cell phones and social media support and enhance our self sabotaging ways.  

We say and post things on social media and through texting that we probably would never say face to face.  It’s quick, it’s instant and it’s cowardly.

How do we stop this behavior? 

These are only suggestions understanding that these are practices that with repeated implementation will be become habits!

  • Love and accept yourself.  Just as you are. With all your flaws and imperfections love yourself, because if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else?
  • Remind yourself every day that you are worthy and that it‘s okay to mess up.  We all do we just have to recognize the mistake and do better next time. Grow from the mistake.
  • Know that there is enough of everything to go around.  Enough good men and women who want loving healthy relationships, enough money to give us financial security, enough great jobs so we can find THE ONE! lifetip
  • And finally, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, give yourself a 10 minute time out before you react or say things that you will probably regret.  I find that after 10 minutes I am no longer upset about whatever assumptions I made up in my head about why someone is not returning my text. Put the phone away and take a nap or read a magazine, or even my blog. LOL.  Then go back and construct a kinder softer message, kind of like, “Hey not sure where you are, but I hope all is good.  Text me when you can.”

Listen, in theory this all sounds so easy.  It may strike a nerve for some and for others give rise to a chuckle, but the reality is that we all deserve to be in a loving, healthy relationship if that’s what we really desire.  And when one falls apart, it means nothing more than, it wasn’t time.  Your time will come.  Our time will come.

Thanks for stopping by my loves!  Happy Friday!

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♥LolaUncorked