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A Letter To All Cheaters

Hi My Loves! Happy Fall Equinox or whatever!  It has been some time since I’ve been here but I was just really trying to enjoy the last days of summer.  Already missing summer even though it seems that Mother Nature is loving me and giving me a little bit more.

The end of my #summerbabe summer 2019

So I’ve been thinking about cheating.  Those who cheat and those who are cheated on.  And I am not talking about a school exam.  Relationships folks! Relationships!

Disclaimer: Don’t automatically assume this is a male bashing session.  It’s not.  We all know men are not the only ones who cheat, even though it seems they are the ones who get caught the most often (dumbasses) and so therefore it seems they are the ones who cheat the most, but who knows.  I’d have to gather some data on that one.  At the end of the day we are all capable of cheating.

I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum- cheater (not my proudest moment) and cheatee (I made this word up and for the purposes of this blog the cheatee is the person being cheated on.) And I guess the person who you cheated with we will just call…. the home wrecker? IDK).  Anyway, after a most recent experience coupled with my journaling, self-reflecting and conversations with others I have really been mentally trying to dissect and process cheating and its effects on those involved.

And so you guys remember my Letter To My Younger Self? Well I’ve decided to write a letter to cheaters everywhere in the hopes that they can receive some clarity on the damage that is left behind when the cheating dust settles.  Here goes:

Dear Cheater,

I am not sure what you were thinking of the moment you made the conscious decision to cheat.  And yes it was a conscious decision.  Most cheaters will in their apology say things like “I’m sorry I made a mistake.” The reality is that cheating is cheatingNOT a mistake.  It is a conscious decision.  There are those 2.5 seconds right before you cross that line when you could have said “No!!!”  Like “Say no to drugs” well “Say no to pussy!” Especially the one that isn’t yours.

I have been trying to understand why you decided to step out on your relationship in this way.  I mean I know people cheat for a slew of reasons: stress at home or work, boredom, not enough sex, lack of spontaneity or just a basic disconnect in the relationship because nobody is addressing it.  And of course I also know Dear Cheater that you just may be one of those people who likes to cheat. And that’s a whole other blog.

An affair feels exciting, stimulating, stirring,  breathtaking!!! It boosts peoples’ self esteem and strokes the ego.   Being with someone new, someone you’re not fighting with, or dealing with the kids with, or paying bills with or just dealing with plain old life issues with is so much better than the reality of adulting.

I know an affair makes people feel young, and beautiful and sexy and in your quest to charm and entice you dress up, wear cologne/perfume, send sexy messages, you court.  It’s fucking exhilarating!!! Shit. I know. (BTW but did it ever occur to you to try that with your significant other BEFORE resorting to cheating??! Just a thought)

But Dear Cheater, let me tell you all the other things it can be and usually becomes and let me give you a little insight into what it does to the cheatee.

When an affair comes to light the ugly in people emerges.  The crazy too! Drama follows.  People’s business is put out there. Threats and humiliation. Not so pretty anymore huh? Tears and fights, lengthy texts or calls spewing every hateful word that comes to mind because as humans thats what we do when we are hurt.  We want to hurt others back.  In the case of an affair nobody is spared, not you,  not the cheatee and not the home wrecker because as much as I hate to say it they feel the effects too.

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Dr. Robert Huizenga

The moment the  cheatee suspects or discovers the infidelity, this tiny seed is planted in their gut.  This seed of so many emotions.  Too many to list. The first is embarrassment and/or shame.  Yeah! Can you believe that shit?  You cheated but the cheatee feels the shame and just thinks of things like “What am I going to say to people when they ask for him or her? “What did I do wrong?”

There is also lots of anger in this initial phase. Like the cheatee will threaten everything from burning the cheaters clothes, slashing tires, physically hurting them.  (THIS IS JUST A BLOG I WOULD NOT TRY ANY OF THIS AT HOME!)

The second emotion is disbelief.  Like “WOW!” No way.  There has to be a mistake! He or she would NEVER do that!   The cheatee will spend days and nights replaying every single exchange in the relationship to figure out when, how, why?  Why becomes the single most important question. They try to look for clues or signs to see if they missed something.  This will keep them from eating, sleeping, and/or wanting to be around others.

Then comes the obsessive stage or investigative as I’d rather call it.  LOL !!! And I don’t care if your male or female all cheatees do this to some extent.  The cheatee will NOT stop until they know EVERYTHING.  Now quick insert- women are way better at this then men!  Just saying. When a woman sets her mind to find some shit out, you’d best believe she will!  In this phase they hurt so bad that you will surely not see any signs – like tears. It’s a weird thing.  I am thinking this is where the cheatee starts to process that yes it really did happen and the life they thought they were living or the future they envisioned …. wasn’t going to happen.

Soon after the hurt settles.  An ache.  More questioning.   This is probably around the time that the cheatee will find themselves crying out of nowhere.  They may be retelling the story and it evokes such strong emotions they may cry at any instant.  They will think about the intertwined friendships and families, the “place” that became yours and now what?  Maybe kids if they were involved too and having to explain to the kids that the “cheater” is no longer a part of the family – delicately of course because it’s not their fault.  This is the hardest and longest stage to process and grow through in case you didn’t know. cheating3.jpg

Eventually, the cheatee will maybe get over it, surpress it all and get on with their life and you the cheater will become a distant memory.  (Once in while and in very rare occasions a cheater and cheatee will work through things and after many, many years of rebuilding and work they may come out stronger.  May being the key word!!!

So Dear Cheater, the next time you are in a relationship in which you have made a commitment to be truthful, transparent, and loyal and you find yourself at a point of making that 2.5 split decision of cheating or not, remember the damage you are leaving behind lasts for far longer and run far deeper that those 2.5 seconds.

And in the end was it really worth it?

Love,

Cheatee

dont cheat

Thank you for stopping by and reading.  If you’ve been cheated on it’s not your fault.  It was their shit and not yours. And if you have cheated, learn and grow, be better, be truthful, be transparent.

Remember to like, comment, share and sign up for notifications.

LolaUncorked♥

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What I’ve learned my first year out of the classroom!

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Hi, My Loves∼

Hope your summer is off to a great start!!!

As you all know I left the classroom last November, as a teacher, but returned as a literacy coach working primarily with teachers in the classroom side by side focusing on everything literacy.  Not that I am an expert as I am still learning.

Most of my work involved having conversations with teachers and administrators to find areas in which teachers wanted to continue growing. With the hope that students would benefit academically.

Research shows that if we can get children on or above reading level in the early years before 3rd grade, their chances of success across the board increases.  We also know that reading – as cliche as it sounds – is FUNDAMENTAL.

“We know that children who are not kindergarten ready are half as likely to read well by third grade, and research has shown that quality pre-K has lasting positive impacts on children’s health, social-emotional, and cognitive outcomes,” said CLI CEO Joel Zarrow. “We are grateful for the opportunity to support teachers in implementing effective early literacy practices and fostering student growth so that more children enter kindergarten fully prepared. While CLI has been supporting pre-K instruction for over 15 years, RFA’s evaluation will help us to continue refining and improving our Blueprint curriculum and professional development so that we continue to see even better outcomes for students and teachers.” Children’s Literacy Initiative

Anyway with all that said I went into the classrooms armed with research and some best practice models to support teachers. Hopefully.

Now I have to say I was a little worried and maybe slightly intimidated, after all who was I to tell anyone that it could be done better.  My experience as a teacher reminded me that as  teachers we are very possessive of our classrooms and our students.

We already have plenty of folks telling us what we are doing wrong, so I wanted to make sure that I celebrated my teachers for all their accomplishments first and recognized the amazing work they were already doing.  I entered the classroom with a different approach – educators are always learning and growing.

Now I have to say that being on the outside looking in, I don’t really know how I lasted as long as I did.

Teaching has to be the most unappreciated profession out there.  Like literally at the bottom of the career totem pole.

It’s a wonder we even have people who still want to teach.

Talk about the pressures!!!  My teachers never knew from one day to the next what to expect.  They were bombarded daily with data, data, data.  They were bombarded with daily mandates to try this and or that,  never giving one thing a chance to see if it worked.  They were bombarded with daily walkthroughs by individuals – groups of individuals – who are so far removed from the realities that occur in the classrooms telling them “students are failing because you’re failing”.

Imagine going to work everyday knowing that others already thought you failed?!?!

I found myself clearly being able to empathize as I was fresh out of the classroom.

I would walk into classrooms to find my teachers rushing to meet deadlines, testing deadlines, bulletin board deadlines, pressure to increase reading scores with no regard to all it entails to be prepared to enter classrooms and teach all with a smile and hunched shoulders. Sad.

Let me explain to you all that is required to go into a classroom to teach your children.

Lesson plans so detailed that it takes hours and hours to prepare without a curriculum to fall back on or use as a resource.  Analyzing of data to see where they failed and what needs to be done to do better.  Testing on a weekly sometimes daily basis.  Differentiation of independent work time to 20 students sometimes more because a teacher is out for weeks sometimes months without a substitute.  Missed preps (planning time) that are crucial planning for teachers so they have less to take home.  Going into grade level meetings where you are not asked for your input but rather told what to do by people who do not know your kids.  Leveling libraries, posting student work monthly with constructive feedback students can’t understand.  Literally squeezing every minute, every second of everyday with so much “stuff” it’s too much to list.

My head spins just thinking about it.

All of this without one word of appreciation from ANYONE, sometimes parents included because they’ve been sucked into this culture of you need to pressure your kids to do more more more- some of which is not even developmentally appropriate.

And FYI, this is at the primary level, Kindergarten to 2nd grade, let’s not even talk about the upper grades.

Listen at the end of the day we all want our children to strive in schools.  To feel loved and cared for.  But isn’t it time to just stop and let teachers teach?  I thought if the goal is to get our students to love reading, why not let them read? Why not let them manipulate books? Why not let children develop a love of reading so they can desire reading? Why not allow teachers to model what reading is? Holding a book in a quiet corner of the classroom while everyone interacts with books.

Why is a 1st grader expected to think critically about books instead of enjoying them?

Anyway, I am getting off on a tangent, but you get the drift, right? I hope.

I don’t know if this is the end all, be all for me, however, I did learn that teachers really need a cheerleader in their corner and I hope I was that for the teachers I met and worked with. teacher7

They were one of the most caring, dedicated, and professional bunch I’ve ever worked with and I give them KUDOS for the work they do- day in, day out.

Teaching is not an easy task, it requires a person to really love it, to do it well.

So the next time you think about your child and teachers and schools remember this:

Teachers are not only educators, they are nurses, social workers, psychologists, and even parents to your children who you have entrusted to them for nearly 8 hours a day if you count before school and after care. teachers6

Teachers don’t need accolades.  I didn’t.  I just wanted someone to believe in me and that I was doing my best work, out of love.

So thank a teacher next time you go for a parent teacher conference, or an event a school or even merely seeing your child’s teacher out at Target or something.

I learned a lot this year and know I have so much more to grow and learn to do my best work.

One of my favorite quotes is from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 16:14, “Do everything in love.”

I know I try every time I walk into my school building and I know the teachers I worked with definitely do!

Thanks my loves for stopping by and reading.  Happy Summer!

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♥LolaUncorked

 

 

 

 

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What an a-Maine-zing trip should look like….

Hi My Loves∼

Back from my road trip to Maine and let me tell you I am exhausted! To say the least.  I have never laughed so hard (IN MY LIFE) as I did on this road trip.

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On the road

Now remember I am the person who told you to go travel solo because of the spiritual experience that could be.  (Check out my blog post on that).  But on the flip side,  if you get the right mix of travelers, a trip with friends can be just as rewarding and quite therapeutic.

Just imagine five of us in a Land Rover on the road behaving like we were teenagers.  What a blast!!  Even some road trip karaoke went down.

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Our AirBnB

 

Our Airbnb was cute, charming and quaint.   Carolyn, our host greeted us, gave us a quick tour, and stocked our fridge with some local beer and wine.

She also gave us a very clear warning to not make a right out of the Airbnb when exploring (there is a homeless shelter surrounded by addicts and beggars). Clearly she didn’t know we are from P-town!

First thing we did the next morning – Make a Right!  Thanks to our tour guide Carol. LOL.

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The beginning of the end…. LOL (L to R – Anita, Me, Mio, Carol… my besties minus one)

 

We spent most of Saturday exploring downtown or Old Port.  Our first stop though was a neighborhood bar called “Fore Play”.  Yes! “Fore Play”.  Here we met an amazing bartender named…. I can’t remember….and some locals who embraced us and $1 jello shots…the beginning of the end.

With a little buzz we headed for a walk, laughing, talking over each other, and fighting about where to eat.

I am not going to go into all the gory details but I will list the spots we visited which were a hit for us.

  1. Fore Play Sports Bar – $1 jello shots.
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    Calling for help after one too many jello shots at Fore Play!
  2. High Roller Lobster Company – this place had a Johnny Rockets feel, good grub and an extensive selection of beer. Yum! www.highrollerlobster.com. We had some drinks and snacks here because we were really craving a good ole burger.
  3. We headed over to Black Cow Burgers and Fries www.blackcowburgers.com  right down the street. The food in this place was amazing.  I can’t say enough.  And the ambiance was pretty awesome too.  I didn’t say this, but we got really really lucky with the weather as prior to this Anita, our weather woman, kept predicting really cold temperatures and rain.  However look at these pics, nothing but sun for our girl’s trip!
  4. And finally I had my lobster at Jay’s Oyster www.ysoysterportland.com. 
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    Nom. Nom.
  5. volunteered to drive (someone else’s car…LOL) and I wanted lobster from Maine.  Let me tell you the lobster has to be by far the best I’ve had (even better than the one I had in Playa del Carmen some time ago). Yes! and the lobster bisque soup I heard was also pretty tasty.  Everything was delicious.

Now I have a confession for you: By the time we got to Jay’s, we were all pretty lit after all our day drinking so dinner was just a riot.  Seriously.  I have a video of it all, but unfortunately was experiencing technical difficulties uploading.  Sorry.

As our night rounded out we walked to a bar/lounge- but I was pretty done and three of us headed back to our apartment while the other two lit up the town.

Sunday consisted of sleeping in, packing and getting ready to hit the road.  And then we realized it was CINCO DE MAYO!!!!  I think you can see how that went.

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Love me a cobble stone street.

Anyway, why travel in a pack?  I’ve known most of these women for over 20 years, so we could say they are the longest running friendships I have. Clearly we share a lot in common, but we are all so different.  

Jennie is the comedian, like Jim Carey in The Mask funny face comedian.  Anita is a sports mom with 10 bebe’s kids, jk, but comedian too and drives like a maniac!

Carol is in a period rediscovering herself and we are watching as she evolves into this better version of herself.

Mio we found out is a damn cry baby!  This is the chick who is so unbothered by anything and everything I always say she would never die of a heart attack.

And then there’s me, I mean, sensitive, emotional, non-confrontational, upside-twerking-against-a-wall because it’s the only way I know how to do it.

The five of us together = never a dull moment!

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The best friends a girl could ask for!

I know what I learned from this trip is that I love and respect these women and what each of them bring to the table.  I love how each love me unconditionally without judgement.  I love how much we can laugh together and I love how easily I can cry in front of them.  I love our journey as we have become comfortable in our own skin.

I foresee many more road trips ahead.  Many more good times, many more laughs and many more cries and many more adventures.  I wish you all a friendship like this.

Next road trip—————–> Stay tuned!

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See you on the road.

Thank you for stopping by!

LolaUncorked ♥

 

 

 

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Cabos was everything…..

Happy Friday My Loves ∼

(Note: This blog was started last Friday but was having difficult time deciding which pics to edit and post so it’s a little late, but still cloudy! And Maine already happened – that blog next!  Enjoy!!)

So I just wanted to jump on here real quick to talk about my most recent trip to Cabo!  I figured why not today as I sit under these cloudy skies.

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Travel ready!

Cabo San Lucas was everything!  I mean I think any place I travel to is everything, but I have to say that I really loved Cabo San Lucas.

After a slight glitch in plans and three alarms not going off, missed flight, I made it to Cabo.  My travel partner was already there waiting for me since she was smart and went to bed early and made it to airport on time.

I don’t know.  I just love breaking night when traveling!  It’s like I am a kid on Christmas Eve.

Anyway, the benefit of missing the flight? They put me on a direct one rather than the original connecting flight.  Also, because it was delayed, they gave me free wine.  Who could ask for anything more?!?! Right.

The downside of missing original flight? I missed my shuttle to the hotel. When I arrived in Cabo, solo, at night with no shuttle I was a little nervous.  Luckily, they had a shared shuttle which I took for $17 without too many stops.

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The quiet pool

We stayed at the Riu Hotel Palace Cabo San Lucas www.riu.com. We began our booking through  www.travelzoo.com but our package ultimately was a deal on www.vacationexpress.com.   I have to say I was skeptical because we got such a great deal (I thought) and kept waiting for some hidden fees.  But it was kosher – we paid approximately $1000 per person for airfare, hotel (all inclusive) and transfers from and to the airport.

I chose the Riu because I’ve stayed in their hotel in Puerto Plata.  I have to say though that the Riu in Cabo was above and beyond my expectations.

The hotel houses over 600 rooms, spa, fitness center, Mexican, Japanese and Indian cuisine, incredible buffets, steakhouse and grill by the pool. Oh! and in case you’re wondering the hotel has seven bars.  Winning!!!

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Swim up bar and infinity pool! Just lovely! PC|www.riu.com

This hotel was huge and we spent a lot of time walking, like I literally lost 6 pounds even with all the drinking, eating and lazying around.

There were a few downsides to my trip:

  1. This is their winter so the mornings and evenings were pretty cool.  I’d recommend some light sweaters.  Once the sun got going we were good.  Their warmer months are from July to October.
  2. It was spring break. Need I say more?? Unfortunately it was the best package we could find, so we did have to deal with them for a couple days.  The great thing is that this hotel is so immense that there were various pools and swim up bars to get away from them all.  We did that on our
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    This was the hotel sports bar….terrible! LOL

    second day and decided to hang by the “quiet” pool- way too quiet. LOL!

  3. The sports bar – UGH! Because I arrived late I had to go to the sports bar to get a “snack”. Snack meaning chips and cheese sauce and hot dogs.  First of all, this place did not even look like a bar. Super well lit! Huge open space! Lots of teeny boppers.  Felt more like a run down arcade.  Hated it!

The food was great, the daily buffets pretty expansive and generous.  Facilities were clean and our room was always serviced nice and early.  Nothing like coming back to your room for a midday siesta and having it still be in a shambles.  Eek!

We took a ride into town to do some shopping and drinking and ended up at the cutest

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Bar Kruda 101

watering hole Bar Kruda 101 where Miguel whipped up some delicious libations and then back at night to do a little partying.  Such a different feel from Cancun.  I loved it.  It just felt less hectic, but still lots of fun.

 

My favorite part of my visit were the landscapes.  Every morning I would head to pool early and just breathe in the beach with the mountains as a backdrop! Breathtaking!!

Overall, I would definitely recommend a visit to Cabo San Lucas and definitely check out the Riu Hotel Palace. It was definitely worth the trip and the second of my trips in my 50s!

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We were done and ready to come home!

Bucket list item √√√

Next stop ——————–> Maine! Road Trip with the girls for some lobster! Stay tuned.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Look at this mountains!!!

LolaUncorked♥

 

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We have the power to create a positive life…

Hi, My Loves ∼

Happy Wednesday!

I’ve been wanting to jump on here to talk about a great conversation I had this weekend about positive energy and visualization and law of attraction and all those buzz words about creating a better life.

I read a lot of personal growth books and listen to so many podcasts.  Recently, I’ve been listening to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah dissect A New Earth chapter by chapter.  For those of you who are familiar with A New Earth, it’s exactly about that- creating a new spiritual earth through our thoughts and actions. But more importantly this idea of letting go of the ego and staying in the present.

Anyway, I was asked this weekend if I really believed in this idea of being positive and 300848-Once-You-Replace-Negative-Thoughts-With-Positive-Ones-You-ll-Start-Having-Positive-Resultscreating positive energy. and law of attraction.  And how all that works out for me in my life.

The first thing that I want to say and said this weekend is that any type of spiritual practice requires daily and intentional focus in order for it create change.  We are human beings and we are prone to falling off the wagon- often.  Many times we give up and we say that’s it, but really what we should be doing is resetting and hopping back on the wagon.

At the beginning of this year I made a commitment to keep getting back on the spiritual wagon no matter how many times I fell off or how long I stayed off.

And this is what I’ve noticed.

Typically the beginning of the year is always a hard time for me financially.  It’s after the holidays, a time I overspent.  Sometimes I am backed up in my bills so I am playing a lot of catch up until income tax time.  Then income tax refund comes and I can’t really enjoy the refund because I am still playing catch up.  I spend a lot of the new year stressed out and worried about money.

This year has been a very different experience.  I’ve been blessed and abundant in so many ways and I know it has a lot to do with staying positive and letting go of the things I can not control.

  1. Stress is useless.  Really.  Stress is created when we worry about the things we can NOT control. The past nor the future. Listen I am not saying you shouldn’t give a crap if your past due on bills or making ends meet.  Try this exercise the next time you open a bill that you are like “Shit, I can’t pay this.”
    • Sit looking at the bill.  You can’t pay it right? So then what?  Does stress help you pay it? Probably not.  Does money appear from anywhere the longer you look at it?  No.  If you go to bed crying, can you pay it? No.

   What if you shifted your focus from the bill to what you already have –  your                     health, your cute little grandson, a job, etc.?  How does that feel the moment you            start being grateful for what you have?  There should be a shift in your energy                  because now you are focused on what is, not what could have been or will be                    because at the end of the day we have no control over those things.

2. Second is that the only person that can control my mood is me.  How often have you heard someone say “Ugh, he just totally pissed me off.”  Why?  The reason you’re still pissed off over someone’s actions is because you can’t control it.  And the reality is who cares?  I mean, why do we give people so much power over our emotions?

Let it Go.
Let. It. Go.

One of my favorite quotes is “People do the best they can with what they know.”  When I have an interaction with someone that has the potential of putting me in a bad mood, I repeat that quote over and over again until it doesn’t even matter anymore.  Does this make sense?  I hope so.

3. Lastly, I am the only person that can set the tone for my day.  If I say  I am going to have a great day, I pretty much always do by just making that statement.  Really, it’s true.  Because once I make that statement I pretty subconsciously take steps to make it happen.  I dress nicer.  I might put on a bright lipstick.  I play happy music on the way to work.  I post positive quotes on my social media.  I greet people with a smile, kind word and make eye contact. I mean I could go and on.

So going a back to my conversation this weekend, yes I believe that we create our own positive energy and that we can attract it.  Our minds are so much more powerful than we think.

I believe that if we staying the present moment and focusing on what is right here right now, we change the shift in our attitudes and moods.  Take every opportunity you can to give thank, for every little thing good or bad in your life. Because it all matters and serves a purpose.

Most importantly, remember it’s not how many times you start or try, it’s that you keep on that counts. Inspirational-Quotes-About-Being-Positive-And-Being-Negative

So with that all said, I challenge you today and for the rest of the week to get up each day, regardless of how terrible things may seem (because that’s an illusion) and commit to having a great day and being positive and grateful.  Then come in a week and tell me how it went.

See you soon!

LolaUncorked♥